It's been almost 4years. Wow.
I am now at
Totally new content, but I'm still around!
I hope to see you on the new site soon!
Lost
I need a man to push me closer to God.
To grab my hands clinched in his and begin to pray fervently. To open up my bible and walk me through the chapters of John. To book mission trips in order to help the least of these and spread the Gospel just a little further.
I need him to remind me why I'm here. To remind me why I started. To point me back to the cross of the Man who gave it all. To help me remember where my strength comes from. To love me despite the times when I don't feel like praying or reading my bible.
I am lost and I need to be found.
I left willingly. I want to look back and know he's there, making sure I'm safe.
He knows I'll be back.
I pray he comes.
I'm finally going to stop lying to myself.
I do desire to be in a relationship.
I would like to get married before 25.
Which I don't feel like will happen.
I'm 86% sure of that.
And I want a beautiful ceremony.
I don't feel adequate.
I don't have any money.
And there's absolutely no one I'm interested in.
I hope my succulent cheers you up, like it does for me. Bye.
Mr. Trashman
Thank you Mr. Trashman,
I thought you were swinging by your home while on the job, but I soon realized you pulled into the driveway of a complete stranger who forgot to roll their trash to the curb this morning to check if they even had trash to dump, after lifting the lid to confirm, you proceeded to continue your job, exceeding what's expected of you.
You didn't have to be considerate enough to move your huge truck out of the street.
You didn't have to get out in the moderately cold weather to check a trashcan.
And you certainly didn't have to go out of your way to help in the way that you did.
Thank you for loving your neighbor and extending grace. Thank you for being an example for me.
XO
Eve.
I've never felt so lonely and horny before in my life.
And on Christmas Eve of all days.
Guess I'll play music, dance in my underwear topless, and scramble some eggs.
This is life.
Worthy to Wed
This year has been tremendously full of romance and love. I've attended three wedding, known of many more ceremonies, and have been notified of engagements. Every time I turn around the question has been popped and vows have been exchanged. With each moment I was excited for my own future; dating, engagement, marriage.
The more weddings I attended the more discouraged I became. Not necessarily because I don't think it can happen for me, but because I don't think I deserve to be married. Each time I heard the pastor speak of the holy sanction of marriage I sunk deeper into my seat because I do not think I am, or will be, the kind of person that should hold that title. The saving of the heart, the chasing after Christ, the ability to be a godly wife and mother. I can't even be a godly single woman correctly, let a lone be united with another for the rest of our lives.
Less in a World of More.
I feel a huge burden in my heart to become a minimalist.
Yes, m i n i m a l i s t.
A minimalist, if you don't know, is someone who lives with only what they need, and very very few wants. There are different kinds of minimalists; those who only own 100 items, those who only live out of a backpack, and those who simply get rid of the stuff in their lives. We all have stuff; nick knacks, clothes we never wear, bottles upon bottles of nail polish and cosmetics, and things that have no name and no place in your home at all so they simply sit in the corner, on the desk, in the closet, and under the bed.
I believe this burden in my heart is from God. Whether it actually is or not does not matter, because I am doing this for His glory. I think that as Americans there are so many things that are in the way of God's voice, God's presence, and God's will, and those things are the stuff in our lives. Those things steal our attention away from God and to this consumerist world that we, as Westerners and Americans, are born into. Simply put, it's WORLDLY.
Having stuff means we're turning from God and saying "Yes" to the world of sales, holiday shopping, bigger is better, and "you need this", when in reality it's a want. I truly believe that living in abundance (more than what you need) is a sin, because if we are looking to fulfill fleshly desires, we are not looking to help the least of these.
Don't get me wrong, I believe in treating oneself, entertainment, vacations, etc... but when we spend more money and acquire more stuff in our homes than we are helping God's people, we're doing a huge disservice as sons and daughters of Christ.
- Give to the poor. "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Matthew 19:21
- Deny yourself. "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24 // You cannot pick up your cross if you have a bunch of stuff. Deny those impulses!
- Only He can give life abundantly, not things.
- "He who delights in the possession of the Lord Jesus has all that heart can wish." Charles Spurgeon
This is a great video to learn more about minimalism and the Christian faith: "Minimalism, Spirituality, and Why it Matters" by Joshua Becker
Until next time, be blessed. :)
Temp post;
Sometimes I don't believe that death actually exists.
Physical death is a myth. It's not real.
This may sound cruel and brutal to those who have lost a loved one;
or to someone who has tried to achieve physical death.
I don't know if it's real because I choose not to accept it,
or because we exist as souls and spirits, not bodies.
Physical death is a myth. It's not real.
This may sound cruel and brutal to those who have lost a loved one;
or to someone who has tried to achieve physical death.
I don't know if it's real because I choose not to accept it,
or because we exist as souls and spirits, not bodies.
Either way, death isn't tangible to me and I don't accept it as truth.
"Christians who remain neutral and complacent over race matters in contemporary media need to look closer at the life of Jesus. He was NOT supposed to talk to the woman at the well because of her race, but He did. A ministry that does not address the issues of it's members is not a ministry I would like to be a part of. Yes, I am a Christian, but I'm also a black female who understands her position in this world. I refuse to remain silent in order to allow white Christians feel more comfortable. And as far as I'm concerned it's white Christians who speak less about race issues. Speak up for the very thing our God spoke out against! Look at the body of Christ. Your Black brothers and sisters are hurting in their community and you have nothing to say? If a church claims to be diverse and multi-ethnic/cultural, then speak on all issues of all cultures, not the convenient and comfortable issues."
I decided to add my twitter rant after I read the comments on Lecrae's Instagram. I was literally drawn to tears at the things I was reading because of his social advocacy posts regarding the Black community, murder rates, and police brutality. The comments were coming from white (brothers in Christ). Calling Lecrae a racist, claiming to unfollow and even justifying the death of Mike Brown. Someone even had the audacity to tell Lecrae to "keep his mind on Christ and not on worldly things." As if Christ never told us to help the poor and homeless, as if Proverbs 31:8-9 means nothing.
What I've realized is that it's impossible to be a Black Christian. They don't want us to discuss our Blackness. They don't want us to be too Black. Just Black enough. Honestly, it hurts to know that white brothers and sisters in Christ are actually blind and ignorant on these issues. Just as white privilege is real so is white Christian privilege. White Christians, for the most part, are able to speak out on issues, post certain pictures, and do certain things without the ramifications of Black Christians. It's simply the reality that I've grown aware of.
Honestly, it hurts. It hurts that even in a community when we're supposed to bear one another's burdens, members choose whose burdens to bear.
Thank God for artists like Sho Baraka and Propaganda. Lovers of Christ who are Black excellence. God bless them always, all ways.
Honestly, it hurts. It hurts that even in a community when we're supposed to bear one another's burdens, members choose whose burdens to bear.
Thank God for artists like Sho Baraka and Propaganda. Lovers of Christ who are Black excellence. God bless them always, all ways.
With you. [II] // 8.10.14
Yesterday I saw the super moon with you as we drove the back roads through rich land.
It was so full, so big, and so bright, like a reflection of our hearts at that very moment.
I would have taken a picture, to put on this here blog, but I dared not let go of your hand.
The last time I saw the sky as beautiful, I was with you.
And it was then that I never wanted to be with anyone but you, while under the beauty of God's creation.
Guest.
It's an early Sunday morning in northern Ohio, a state I've never been before, and I crawl out of the box bed trying not to wake my three girlfriends. Although it's 7 am here, my body is fully aware that it operates on central time zone and tries to remind me that it's truly 6 am. But I needed to get up. I needed to eat breakfast.
After locating the modest continental breakfast, I make a plate of eggs and silver dollar waffles (Who know waffles came in silver dollars??), and a side of warm oatmeal, yogurt, and an almost too ripe banana. I take a few bites to get familiar with my plate and then crack open "Eat, Pray, Love," using my banana as a paperweight to keep the pages down as I scarf my meal.
A lady, whom has been there since I got off the elevator, greeting me with coffee in hand, turned to me and said "What a scholar." I looked up from my book to a bright smile and kind eyes. Thank you, as I offered a smile just as warm. She then walked away to a corner to accompany her husband, leaving me alone with my book at the breakfast bar.
I seem to always do this; more times than not. Granted I don't go to hotels often because I don't travel often, I find a sense of peace and solitude to eat breakfast among strangers who don't know my story and I don't know their names. To get lost in a novel over sub-par breakfasts' while being completely aware of the mysterious presence of others.
I want to always be a guest. I want to always eat breakfast in cities not known, among people who become less than strangers after the first exchange of words.
I want to always be a guest to a city willing to host me. To invite me in with their coffeehouses and friendly travelers in hotel lobbies. To introduce me to their culture and art museums and bad habits.
I want to be anonymous but completely at home wherever I go. I long to be a guest in cities I may or may not see again.
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