The Rising of the Son

Today I learned that the sun shines at 6 am. I pity all the days I have wasted in bed well past the rising of the sun. Guilt rushed over me the moment I realized everyone around me was awake, starting their morning routines, dragging themselves to work, knowing that will be the only sun some of them will see before their commute back home.

The days when I could barely wake up or barely get out of bed, the rays were welcoming me with open arms. My blinds and thick dark curtains reject them, but my mind refused to face the day.

There were mornings that I never got to see transition into noon. The stillness of the world was not felt. And the silence was not appreciated. It is at this time that my soul is at peace, and rarely does my spirit get nourished my the sole presence of God.

No wonder people wake up at daybreak to kneel before His throne. No wonder His children sought Scripture to give solace to their spirits. I have found it to be the only time of day when we can meet Jesus face to face, before we swiftly join the ranks of those with fast paces and busy schedules.

Life After College [I]

Today marks exactly one month since I became a college graduate and transitioned into the "real world" (as if the world I've been a part of for the past twenty-two years has been a fantasy world).

Honestly not much as changed, and this stasis has launched me into a state of depression. Not chronic depression that I've experienced in former seasons of my life, but atypical depression; a direct response to events. When I was younger I always assumed my life would be exciting and a bit more "adult-like." Staying at my mama's house, spending the entire day alone, and thinking about that four year degree, but not actually using it, was not how I envisioned my 22nd year of life.

I've realized that college can only do a fraction of what you can do for your own future. Meaning, you may work four years (or more) for a degree, but it doesn't get you the job. It doesn't make you an adult or any more responsible than you require of yourself. It doesn't make life after college glamorous. Only you can do that. My lack of transportation is a bit of a hindrance, but I've decided to make the best of my solitude. There are plenty of things I can do to kick start my own life, so that when I'm blessed with transportation of my own, my plan will already be secure and the world will truly be my oyster.

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"We are programmed to focus on what we don't have [...].
This dissatisfaction transfers over to our thinking about God.
We forget that we already have everything we need in Him.
Because we don't often think about the reality of who God is,
we quickly forget that He is worthy to be worshiped and loved."
Francis Chan - Crazy Love

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 Whether I am out working a nine to five job or spending the entire day indoors, I want to take this life that God has given me and make the best of it. I will rejoice always. Focusing merely on what I do not have and my current position does not prioritize how glorious and good God is despite my situation. God is always worthy of praise. God is always worthy of worship. By centering my attention on my needs, I make them an idol and a god in my life. I began to worship the things I could not obtain, by putting those thoughts before the Lords.

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I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,
whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Philippians 4:12

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Life after college started off a bit rough, but I'm completely willing to learn from this experience. If this is the life God has for me at the moment in order to grow content and grow spiritually, than so be it. Who am I to complain when I serve the God of the galaxies, the Beginning and the End, the Alpha and Omega, and the great I AM. Thank God for growth after college and until the end of time.

YHWH

Worthy

Trying to understand an indescribable God.
He loves us despite who we are.
We love Him because of what He's done.
I don't think we can honestly say we love God unconditionally.

So many times I take a step back from my own life,
and I look at all the things I was blind to otherwise.
I am in complete awe that a perfect God
has blessed me beyond measure.

I'm never worthy.
He's always trustworthy.

I finally stopped questioning God's love for me.

From then on, I questioned love for myself.

little baptist church.

A few weeks ago I left the comfort of the pews of my church home, and my family and I visited another church on the other side of town. I was apprehensive to leave what was familiar to me. I didn't want to leave the music, screens, digital announcements, or having to get up in order to give tithes. I didn't want sit in a church where I didn't know anyone or listen to the sermon of another pastor of whom I knew nothing about. 

The small baptist church was located in the middle of residential homes that were built several decades earlier. The yard was small, but held a large white cross right next to the sign. As we entered, it immediately reminded me of the small baptist churches I grew up in. It felt very...homey, to say the least.

Music bounced off of the cinder block walls as the worship team shouted in praise. The songs most certainly took me back to the days of laying in mama's lap as she rocked back and fourth to the rhythm. Songs like "More Than Anything", "Lord, I Lift Your Name on High", "Grateful",  "Total Praise," and the hand clapping toe tapping "Souled Out." I felt so grounded and began to cry tears of pure love, gratitude, and humility.

Chris, a young church member, did the announcements and expressed his love for his ministry with tears as well. Two young men moved a large wooden podium with "Tithes" etched in the grain and sat it next to the plastic fern plants and electric candles that most black churches are all too familiar with. As the music started, each member walked to the front of the sanctuary to honor God with their finances.

After service, of which there were baptisms, everyone talked and fellowshiped. There was laughter and tears. Everyone's name was known. They were figuring out who was cooking or where to eat. Watching after each others children while they didn't worry about who had theirs. They were truly what you would call a church family.

There were no fancy lights, no large screen to display lyrics or verses, no special bags or plates to collect offering, no stage for the worship team. They had what they had, and were happy. No complaints.

It reminded me of the problem of American Christianity: we get too comfortable with the theatrics of the church, but always wanting more.

I'll never forget where I came from. It's humbly and I take God for Him taking me to that little baptist church in the middle of humble homes.

Romans 1:20 NKJV

"For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse."

I often see God in the things around me (e.g. my rainbow and construction posts). This morning I woke up to check on my wounded succulent and see how the rest were doing. As I looked at the leaves that are in the process of propagation, I was in awe. My God. He created this process, not just with plants, but with His people. Propagation is the spreading of something, usually a belief or practice, into new regions (Princeton). That's what He wants His people to do: make disciples of the whole world.

So first I'm in awe that He can make a new plant, one that can grow many feet tall, out of a tiny leaf. (Sounds like David and Goliath huh? The smallest thing/person can have the largest impact.) Second, He just taught me a lesson about the Great Commission, and how we are without excuse.

Lastly, you see the leaf in the middle? The one with the biggest stem. Well that little guy was the one I neglected. I left him in a box somewhere, and tended to the other leaves. A few weeks later I found him in the box already sprouting roots while the others were not. He's definitely my miracle baby, ahead of the pack. Sometimes it's the ones that we overlook or disqualify, that have the most potential. God is so good.