Day 9 - Letter to someone I wish I could meet.

    I've always been a fan; when you had long sandy hair and baggy jeans to a fierce pixie cut rockin' Jeremy Scott's Perfecto to your red bowl cut and mixed prints. You're stunning. Hopefully, I'll be able to meet you July 28th. :)

Your biggest stalker fan,
Shelby
xoxo

My Blogspot: Sept. 10, 2009.

"Stronger and stronger, day by day, the puzzle pieces of our mistakes holds the key to the perfection of our lives.
From birth until death, I wonder how I will cope with the fact that life is not perfect. Accepting the truth and reality, the laughter and the sorrow, and yet the feelings never change. The feelings of fear and excitement.  Littlest things can make my heart smile, but knowing that it will not last forever, I head out to look for my next source of happiness. Keeping myself, family and friends happy is my mission 
c o m p l e t e d
Too often we under estimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring...all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

I miss my writings like this.
Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not. 
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Day 8 - Letter to my favorite internet friend.

    I love all of my followers internet friends! You all have lifted my spirits when I was down, have made me laugh, have made me think. I really appreciate all the love I receive from yall. Not only do I love the people who follow me but I love the people I follow (who don't follow back. lol). There are a few that I should mention because I always hear from them: Thank you all soooo much! Mwaaahh! :) Special shoutout to Ms.King at Dream Come True. I'm on her "A FEW FAVS" list! I just found out as I was doing this post. Thanks girl!

Yall internet friend,
Shelby
xoxo

Day 7 - Letter to my ex boyfriend.

    We've had so many ups and downs, unfortunately (or fortunately, for Jalen and I) we've had more downs than ups. The last four months of our six month relationship, was all downhill. You're actually the reason why I hate Valentine's Day. You and I together was a mess because we are both sensitive people; we realized that but things never really got better. We argued all the time and pretended that sex would fix it. We were obviously wrong. Sex, I think, is actually I huge part of why we didn't work.
    But you were also my best friend. We told each other everything! Literally everything. We were so comfortable with and around each other. I miss that. I miss the best friend side of you because when I lost my boyfriend, I lost my best friend too. And I know you felt the same.
    I'm so glad you're back in my life as my friend. We can call each other up and just talk and talk and talk. It's as if we were never in a relationship and that's really good that we're able to put that in the past. We can laugh about it now and that's nice. 
    Oh, and thanks to me, you're a rapper! If, or when, you blow up I better hear my name boy! Good luck on the music career. I know it's your love and passion. Love ya Chico!

Your ex girlfriend best friend,
Shelby
xoxo

Day 6 - Letter to a stranger.

    I only ask a few things of you. Now you may think, "You're a stranger, why are you asking anything of me at all?" but it's because I care. You may not realize the power of one individual but I know that one person can change the lives of others. I ask that you change a life. Simply smile to others on the street, help a lost child, pick up the shirt that fell off of the clothing rack, or donate a small amount of change to a charity. It won't hurt at all to do any of these small things. I'm not asking for you to go to Africa and feed families or adopt a child from Asia. 
    Once a year at my job we ask for donations for the Children's Miracle Network at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. And every year I ask people to donate at least 5 cents. You wouldn't believe how many people do not. Please don't be one of those people A small act of kindness can go a long way. Trust me. 
    To the stranger in the wheelchair with the beautiful black lab service dog, When you asked me to help you with your popcorn and drink, I was more than excited to. My hands were full and I tired to figure out a way to open the door for you and when I told you I'd get the door you said to me, "No, I'll get the door for you." And you did. I walked with you to your seat and watched as you lifted yourself out of your wheelchair and in to get settled and ready for your movie. All I could do was smile. You have no idea what that experience did for me and I would like to thank you. :)
A stranger,
Shelby
xoxo

Day 5 - Letter to my dreams.

    You motivate and keep my on my toes. Those times when I was down, just the thought of you and what I want to accomplish in life, lifted me back up. I plan on making you a reality one day and when that day comes, the whole world will know because I will shine with joy like no one has ever seen. I will make sure I prove the doubters wrong because no dream is too big. Thank you for filling my head with hope.
The dreamer,
Shelby
xoxo

Happy Birthday baby!

Today be my man's birthday. Holla!

I talk too much about him already so I'm not going to say much.
Just going to acknowledge that he's 18 now! O_o

You're not here with me (or I'm not there with you, which ever you prefer) to celebrate but you're always in my heart babyboy. I love you.

Day 4 - Letter to my sibling.

    You my sister and I love you but why you gots ta act all crazy guhh?? We fight like all the time, yeah yeah, whatever but you still my blood though. People always look at our relationship like we aint got a good one but what they don't know is we talk a lot really (when were not yelling at each other) and we gossip and share funny stories about our day or about work. Just because we don't act like rainbows and butterflies doesn't mean we don't love each other and I wish people would give our relationship a break. It's our relationship sistership. Haha. Well yeah, we're going off to college together. We probably won't see each other that often to be honest but maybe somehow we'll become closer. Who knows. Love ya girl!
Your lil sissy,
Shelby
xoxo

Fact #5:

Every single time I see a tow truck, I think of Jesus Christ.















Don't judge me. I'm serious.

If you're reading this,

just know that I want the best for you .
At the end of the day , I want you to be happy .

Started my day off right.

Thanks Daisy. :)

Things I regret about my high school experience:

  • I wasn't involved in anything! I wish I ran for something like vice-president, started a club, TA or office worker, sports...something! The only thing I did was "Spirit Week" and the "SGA Olympics", which by the way is the best thing ever! Sorry for anyone who didn't go to HFA. :)
  • Having a part time job that I only worked on weekends. I had no social life.
  • Not taking my school work more seriously. My grades didn't suck but they weren't pretty either. I could have gotten a star next to my name at graduation and a gold seal on my diploma if I actually tried.
  • Not getting myself wrapped up in drama. Senior year was better than the rest but I need NO drama in my life at all times.
  • Waiting to apply for scholarships. Or forgetting about a lot and missing the dead lines.
  • Procrastination is a horrible thing. I always say "I never have time." yet I spent about 85% of my time in high school, on facebook and senior year, on blogger. I'd wait to write a whole 5 page paper the night before it was due and I was given 2 weeks... smh.
  • Not learning how to drive... :\
  • Dwelling in my sorrows. Lol.
  • Not expanding my social circle and talking to more folksss.
  • Never building relationships with any of my teachers all four years...but two. *searches them on facebook*
  • Setting a better reputation from myself. To make sure everyone who thinks they know, is shut down!
*sigh* But these are only things I plan to learn from and take with me to college. :)

Day 3 - Letter to my parents .

Daddy,
    You haven't been here for me and I honestly have nothing to thank you for except your sperm. You weren't here to feed me, to hear my first word or see my first step, to help me with homework, not one birthday have you celebrated with me. I don't hate you. Reason being, you never gave me a reason to because in my eyes, I turned out just fine...without you. My mama did a hell of a good job raising two small kids on her own didn't she? I don't love you either; I don't know you to say that I love you. As a person, yeah, I got love for you. I honestly don't want you to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day either. I decided that a long time ago. Why should you get that honor? But whatever, you won a few points in my book by coming to my graduation. Oh yeah, I thanked you for that... So, thanks for the sperm and watching me graduate.
Your only child,
Shelby
xoxo
----------------------------

Mama,
    You are my rock, my light, my world. You are such a strong woman and I admire everything that you've done to raise your children. Yes we argue and press each others buttons a lot but in reality, it's because we are one and the same. Not only are you my twin physically but also emotionally and spiritually. It wasn't long ago when I didn't want anything to do with you and I wanted to run away from you forever...just so you could be happy. I felt like I was a burden to you, you also told me I was, and my only solution was to leave this earth. I look back and realize that you're such a selfless person that I would be dumb not to appreciate a mother like yourself. I never unappreciated you, I just accepted that you're my mama, and that was all. Nothing more, nothing less. I hope you finally believe that I love you and I hope that we can continue to become closer. You are the only person in the world I know would stand my me and I thank you for that. Thank you for everything that you've done for me, EVERYTHING. I don't know anything that I could do to ever pay you back. Words cannot express how thankful I am. I love you soo much!
Your daughter,
Shelby
xoxo

Put on a happy face. :)

Because I was in a funk yesterday, I recorded a video of a passion of mine that I wanted to share but as soon as I was trying to copy it to my computer, I was unable to because of a virus or something. (Guess I'll let mama know.) It was full of happiness and joy but here are a few pics from my sleepover last week. I hope they do as much justice as the video would have. Enjoy! :)

When I say "I'm fine."

90% of the time I'm lying. The other 10% is when a guy want's to "Get to know me". A subject I've talked about before. Therefore 100% of the time, I'm actually not fine. Why would I answer otherwise though? When someone asks "How are you?" they don't expect to to hear anything less than that you're okay and there isn't any woes and sorrows in your life at the moment. No one expects you to take that as a chance to get things off of your chest and tell them how you really feel. That's just not how it works. It sucks that I can 't spill everything out but I know it isn't possible to do. But given the opportunity to say what's on my heart, would I? I'm know for keeping things bottled in therefore that "I'm fine." has to be some sort of security blanket.

But it's cool, I'm fine with it...

RE: Solitude.

"Above the cloud with its shadow is the star with its light. Above all things reverence thyself." 
-Pythagoras.
I re-read my last post over and over again thinking of how pathetic I am to share such downhearted things all the time but I won't edit my life and delete it. When I stopped wrecking my brain, I pulled back the curtains and looked out the window. For the past few days I've noticed that the half moon's becoming more full and I'm anticipating the day when it's completely full. Tonight it's a waxing gibbous. I don't remember when I fell in love with the stars but I would love to get lost in them.


That's just what I need. Solitude with nothing but me and the stars. Of course someone there just to snuggle with me. & maybe share a few words.


But all I want to do, is look at the stars...

Solitude.

I came into the world alone...

I feel so lonely right now. I had a sudden thought that no one really cares about anyone but themselves or what they're doing at that moment. Did I even word that right? I don't think it makes sense but it does in my head at least. I've learned something about myself tonight; no matter how much love a receive from multiple people, if that one person I want the love from doesn't show it, then it means nothing to me about what the others think. My feelings end up being hurt. How unfair of me. I did it again didn't I; That didn't make sense did it? I'm a homebody. It's choice. Well usually it's because I have no where to go nor anyone to see...so it might not really be as choice as much as an obvious reason not to leave the house. It's always late at night when I'm alone that my mind starts to wander and I end up with thoughts like these. I don't feel like anyone is here for me whenever. When I want to get my feelings out, I pick up my phone and just look at it. No one comes to mind about 99% of the time. The other 1%, I don't feel right calling that one person who comes to mind. Maybe I don't like to build relationships with people. I haven't figured out who I am, so what if they do before me? There's this one guy who could read me and tell me about myself. He knew me more than I knew myself. He's no longer in my life. But I'm okay with that. I just contradicted myself; I feel lonely yet I don't mind that some people aren't in my life. I need therapy. There is something seriously wrong with me.

...I'll leave the world alone.

Fact #4:

I don't like chocolate, peanut butter, pork, biscuits, tomatoes, ketchup, carrots, peanuts, anything grape flavored that isn't a real grape, fried chicken, nor do I drink sodas.

Day 2 - Letter to my crush.

    At this point I wouldn't even call you my crush. You are the love of my life but I'm sure you already knew that. When we first started talking I had no intentions of being in a relationship or ever falling in love. It all happened so fast and after two weeks I knew I wanted to be with you but I obviously wasn't going to tell you that. I wasn't going to tell you that I had fallen for you because we didn't even really know each other. No, I wasn't in love with you at this point but the feelings were there, they were so strong.I remember we would talk on the phone for hours and hours and hours. We would talk until the sun came or up the next day we would talk that whole morning and afternoon. We were always on the phone. Remember that time we made the bet to see how long we could stay up? A date and a kiss was on the line, and neither of us were going to give up that opportunity I remember the first time we met; at church and you was wearing a reddish shirt, cargo's, and sperrys. Yes, I remember. Geez. That was also the first time you met my mama.
     Ok I realized this letter is going to be so doggone long if I don't catch myself. So...I'm going to keep it simple and sweet.
    I have never been happier than I am now with you. You seriously completely me and I am truly blessed to have you in my life. I love you with all my heart and I wouldn't have it any other way. I guess I could call you my crush because that's how I feel every time I'm with you, as if it was our very first time meeting....I still get butterflies.
    There's one more thing I would like to say but I'll save that for another date. Now isn't the right time nor is the lack of privacy appropriate. I LOVE YOU BABY! I'm the happiest flippin' girl in the world!
Your crush girlfriend,
Shelby
xoxo

    Chestnut Blonde.

    At first I hated it but I have grown to love it now . :)
    What do you think?
    (Click read more for more pics!)

    crazy artists.

    Some, if not most artists, whether they are painters, writers. or musicians, have been labeled as being crazy artists. There is evidence that in fact they are crazy, or mentally ill. Mental illnesses include depression, bipolar, or even addictions to drugs and alcohol. But do their illnesses deserve the credit of wonderful works of art? The reason why artists such as Van Gogh, Leo Tolsky, Tennessee Williams, Mozart and many many others, have the fame and recognition that the have is because they did what no one else had done with a paint brush, a pen, and an instrument. The reason for their visions is simple; they don't see the world and society the way the rest of us do. These artists wrap their emotions into their pieces which can touch whoever is observing, reading, or listening to the art.

    There is speculation on whether this fact is true or not be I believe there is truth to it. I am an artist myself and I know that my best pieces are the ones where I'm feeling down or depressed.

    I think I'll do a follow up on this post with more detail and evidence so... (To be Continued) :)

    Day 1 - Letter to my best friend.

      The only thing I can think to say right now is, I'm sorry. I feel sorry for everything about our friendship.  I guess I'm sorry if you don't feel I'm there for you. I guess I'm sorry that I can't really be there for you when you really need me, or anyone else for that matter, to be. I'm sorry about our past. I'm sorry if I've made you feel anything other than the best. 
       It's been 5 years of ups and downs. You're the person I've stuck with the longest so yeah I believe you're my best friend, the whole world believes it. But now I'm at that point where I think "Are we really best friends?" We tell each other every possible thing we can before the next time we'll see each other or talk. But that's just it. That's where I think the problem comes in at. We rarely see each other outside of school and we rarely just about never call or text one another. Now that school is over and we're about to lead our own lives, I'm not sure if that title will hold.
      I look at other best friends, and I envy them for us. I want to have what they have. Don't get my wrong we have a million memories together; N.I.N.E parties, Murfreesboro, being homeless... The list goes on but I still I feel there's something missing. I love you with all of my heart and I'm sure you feel the same...at times. I wonder if we're just comfortable with each other and that's at. We understand each other, we relate, but like I said before, somethings missing and I'm not exactly sure what it is. You will forever be apart of my life...forever
      I can't wait until the little one gets here. She has such great mother and friend I'm sure she can trust and confide in. You are an amazing person and never let anyone tell you otherwise. I admire you so much and know that you are a very smart and strong woman. Always keep your head up beautiful. I love you.

    Your best friend,
    Shelby
    xoxo

    This is why I hate eating with silverware!!

    I just chipped my tooth on my fork!
     FFFFUUUUUUUUU!!!

    I'm so pissed! I'm in pain! I'M PISSED!!
    It's like I just jinxed myself with that "Fact:" post!
    Like payback. "Revenge of the Silverware" or some shit!

    Celibacy Anniversary!

    Today is my celibacy anniversary. Yes I'm making a big deal out of it. A year is a long time, doing, or not doing, anything. I'm actually extra excited about it too. I've been talking about it for a few weeks now. I even wanted to buy myself a cute little cake that says "Happy Birthday Celibacy Shelby!". But that would have been too much and I'm sure my mama would have seen it...I guess I could have eaten the whole "Celibacy" word first. *shrugs*

    Anywho, A lot of people ask if Jalen and I have sex and when I say no, they either don't believe me or say rude comments that I'd rather not post. I actually made the choice before he and I met that I wanted to be celibate, he just made it a lot easier. Although I can say, I've been having "urges", but that's nothing I can't overcome. :)

    Here are a few benefits of being celibate:
    • Biblical and spiritual sound.
    • Enjoy feelings of self worth, empowerment and individuality.
    • Socialise with and date the opposite sex without the pressures and awkwardness of negotiating sex.

    10 months.

    I love you to infinitity and beyond!
    Lol. I wanna see Toy Story 3.

    Now hurry up and get back so I can love on you! ;)

    Smh.

    Ive had my blogspot for a little over 9 months.
    I have 94 followers.

    Ive had my Tumblr for less than 3.
    I have 96 followers.

    The content on my Tumblr is less than adequate compared to the content on blogspot. I actually get personal and write, write whatever, on here. My Tumblr is a bunch of pictures. I guess it's true what they say; "Pictures are worth a thousand words." So maybe I am telling a little about myself, maybe I am telling a story. Then again, it's a shame what we have come to. It's a shame that fascinating languages are slowly fading away due to the lack of wanting to read or use words to describe our feelings. . .But I guess sometimes it's easier that way. I'm all sorts of confused right now. I think I'll revisit this topic at another date.

    I hate when people 'want to see where my heart is'.

    • “Can you hand me that?”
      “But you’re closest. You’re right there.”
      “I was just trynna see where your heart is.”
    • “You didnt even ask if I need help.”
      “You didn’t ask, how was I supposed to know.”
      “I just wanted to see where your heart was.”
    • “I want to watch Finding Nemo. But we can watch whatever you want.”
      “Ok, we’re watching Bring it On.”
      “Dang, that’s messed up. That’s cool though, I see where your heart is.”

    How about you stfu or stop beating around the bush. I see where you heart is, playing games and shit. How about you grow up? Kthnx.

    Am I being unfair?

    Fact #3:

    I hate using silverware. I love plastic forks, spoons, and knives. I save all of the To-Go utensils and wash them like they're china.

    Goodwill Hunting. [3]

    I made a few of these purchaces a few months ago and never posted them. They will be italizied.
    I also bought a few things with my girls, Sandi & Leah, last week. They will be in bold.

    Turquoise blazer- $7.99.

    Hip hop vs. Rap.

    I've finally figured it out. 

    Those who know me most know that I love hip-hop. The real and raw yet soulful music. The music that makes you bob your head and feel the beat, feel it, in every bone in your body. That's real music, hip hop, not rap. I've been trying to explain to people for so long that there is a difference between the two. They aren't synonymous in any way, shape, or form. While watching my favorite movie, Brown Sugar, a line hit the nail right on the head and I couldn't have said it better myself.

    "So what's the difference between rap and hip hop? It's simple. It's like sayin' you love somebody and bein' in love with somebody. Rap is only a word."


    If I need to point it out, hip hop is falling in love. And that's what I've done, I've fallen in love with hip-hop and it happens ever single time I watch that movie because I feel it. The minute the movie comes on, it's nothing but instant love and respect for the game.

    But things have changed.

    I obviously wasn't born during the prime of hip hop and I wasn't able to comprehend and fathom the affects it would have on me but I do know that it moves me like no other genre. I don't walk around like a "hip hop head", I don't go around quoting KRS-One, Slick Rick,Wu-Tang Clan, A Tribe Called Quest or Public Enemy, but hop hip mos def runs through my blood. Did you catch that? ;)

    As much as people have been saying that hip hop is dead these past few years, there is some truth to that. Hip hop isn't dead completely, Mos Def and Erykah still doing their thing. It's endangered. Rap has completely taken over and what I mean by rap is, Wiz, Lil Boosie, Lil Wayne, (all the Lils) and freakin' Soulja Boy! People don't wanna hear good music anymore, they don't want soul, they don't want a story. But I guess that's what happens as time happens. A new generation has taken over, a generation that I honestly wish I wasn't a part of, and rap came with that territory. This music now ain't got anything on hip hop! You can't make hip hop, it makes you. It's born in you. Rap, you can make that all day with anybody. Hip hop aint nothing to to replicated, either it is or it ain't.

    When did I fall in love with hip hop? When mama played the Lauryn Hill record over and over and I learned every word to every song. When Erykah Badu ripped it in her "Love of my Life" video, her ode to hip hop. When Mos Def free-styled because it was too live. When did I fall in love with hip hop?

    I'm still falling...

    Happy Fathers Day !

    To the best mother in the world!

    She's been more of a father than my own daddy.
    Therefore, this goes out to her.

    Happy Father's day mama!

    Fact #2:

    When I wake up in the morning, my lips are swollen. But after a few minutes, they're back to normal. :)

    Great minds discuss ideas;
    average minds discuss events;
    small minds discuss people.

     -Eleanor Roosevelt

    What's up doc ?

    I need a pair of floral Doc Martens. 
    I'll rock them bad boys.
    ---------------------------------------------


    (first pic from google. last from Jen Marie.)

    Fact #1:

    I'm 18 and don't know how to drive. :\

    Te amo. ♥

    I will be trying the mixed prints look soon.
    She is too flyy. I can't get enough of Miss. Robyn. :)

    Light skin vs. Dark skin.

    I can admit that preferring a certain race over another when it comes to significant others is all fine and dandy, solely because of religious differences that may occur. I prefer to date black men but I am not limiting myself to them. I just keep in mind that my partner must have the same religious views as I do because it's important to me. Within preferring a black man, I do not have a preference on whether he may be light skin or dark skin.

    I don't understand why most people have their minds made up that one is better than the other therefore making someone better or more attractive than the other. I've tried to talk to a lot of my guy friends, who prefer lighter skinned women, to get me to understand this infatuation of "yellow bone"s. Their responses were basically the same, "I don't find dark skin women attractive." They couldn't even elaborate on that statement as to why. Are all light skin women attractive? Is it believed that light skin women have long hair? Does being light skin make facial features more attractive?

    As to how skin color makes someone attractive, or in some cases not, is beyond me. I upset's me that dark skin women have been looked at as less than... I've heard a few times to darker woman, "You look good for a dark skin girl." How much sense does that make?? I've been told a few times before, "You look good...and you light skin." What, is that a bonus or something? For the record, I do not consider myself to be dark or light skin. I am what I am.

    I would go on but I believe my point has been made. Either you are attracted to someone or you aren't but the color of their skin shouldn't matter at all. It's all so ignorant.

    I'll let it be with this video:

    ya feelz meh?

    Who doesn’t long for someone to hold? 
    Who knows how to love them without being told?

    -Natasha Bedingfield

    i miss you.

    a moment.

    Every time I take a picture of myself or with friends in public, I notice strangers in the background that I have never met and will probably never meet. How many other people have pictures of them in their backgrounds but more importantly, how many pictures do strangers have of me? How many backgrounds am I in? How many lives am I a part of?
    I am a part of someones life in that snapshot, whether it was a great moment for them or not so much. That's what photographs are for, to stop time and remember the moment just as it was, and I was apart of their moment without any realization. To be completely honest, I like that I am a part of someone else's life. And not even know it.


    Edit: Now that I think about it, today I was actually tagged in a picture on facebook. And where was I? In the background of someone else's moment.

    MITP (II.)

    This is my last Movies In The Park.
    I'm really not feeling it anymore...

    Swagger Wagon

    Te Amo banned in the US.

    Yall know how much I love Rihanna. I knew she had shot the "Te Amo" video for some time now but I had yet to see it and I was wondering when it was going to air. I just learned that her video was banned from the U.S. because of sexual content. If you're not familiar with the song, basically a woman declares her love for Rihanna and Rihanna doesn't really know what to do in that situation. Here are a few lyrics:

    "Then she said Te Amo, then she put her hand around me waist.
    I told her no she cried Te Amo, i told her I'm not gonna run away, but let me go."
    "That we all need love, and I'm not afraid.
    I feel the love but i don't feel that way."

    The video has been banned because of sexual content. Excuse me, but last  I recall Trey Songz' "I invented sex" and "Neighbors know my name" videos have sexual content, am I right? So what makes Rihanna's video any different? The fact that it's two females and not a male and a female? I in no way condone homosexually but I do however believe in what's fair and just. I can say there are some scenes that are a little risque but I also think that it's no different than previous videos I've seen in my life. She and the other young lady are in slightly revealing clothing but aren't the Victoria Secret models in the mall, you know, the huge floor to ceiling posters of ladies in their underwear. Is it their movements? Is it because they're both on a bed? Is it the tone of the video? What the fuck is it cause I can't seem to wrap my head around this one? Judge for yourself:

    brassknuckmugzz.

    these are too flyy.

    "I never think twice about what I want,

    Cause I know deep inside I will overcome."

    <a href="http://dana.bandcamp.com/track/dana-warrior-dimlite-to-freedom-ep">Dana. - Warrior (Dimlite to Freedom EP) by dana.</a>

    This would be my Anthem.
    I listened to every song by her,
    I am in love.

    (Thanks to CUPCAKES TO SOFTEN YO HUSTLE, for sharing.)

    My black is beautiful.

    My list on why I love being a black woman.
    1. Our hair. There are so many things we can do with our hair. Yes, our hair needs more maintenance and TLC than others but it's well worth it. We have so many different textures and styles, we could be a new person every day of the year if we wanted. :)
    2. Our skin. Black people come in so many different shades and complexions. It's beautiful.
    3. Our facial features. Well have the high cheek bones and full lips that most white women pay for. Let's just say we have natural botox.
    4. Our background. It's hard enough being a woman in this world, try being a black woman. I love that the way we are looked at by society gives us more motivation. Our background is bringing up by us being determined not to let it bring us down.
    5. Our glow. When we walk in a room, we demand attention and we stand out. I guess it's our rich complexion and big hair. ;)
    6. Our confidence. Try to bring a black woman down. I dare ya. And if it just so happens you got to her a lil bit, I guarantee she won't show it. And if you got to her and she did show it, best believe by that night she's over it. Can't tell her nothing!
    7. Our curves. Need I say more.
    8. Our style. There is no doubt about it that black women are fierce! You think Lady Gaga is new and fresh. Go to the streets of predominantly black neighborhoods--3D and edible nails, a scarf into a belt, earrings worn as necklaces, sky high hair--we have done it all and then some before little Miss Gaga came around.
    9. The "look". That one look mama give you to let you know she aint playing. With just a slight lift of one brow, you know you better sit down somewhere before she get that switch.
    10. Our business. We know how to get things done and we don't play about it neither. Whether it's just running a few errands for the house or a presentation for work, we'll find a way to make it happen. Aside from being tough cookies we also know how to loosen up and have a little fun. :)

    If there's anything I left off of the list, feel free to let me know. :)

    heaven on earth.

    Doesn't get any better than this.
    I just drooled all over the keyboard. ;)
    People only tell you you've changed because you no longer act the way that they want you to.

    Southern hospitality.

    I love being from the South; the Southern cooking, the weather, the music, the slang ,as well as the accents, although I don't think I have one, I love it all. But what I love the most is the Southern hospitality. I don't know any other region besides the South where it's okay to smile at strangers and ask them how they are doing. It's okay to let someone use your Kroger plus card or pay $5 of someones grocery's because they were short. It's okay to give someone directions and not the cold shoulder.
    Don't get me wrong, not all Southerners are like this nor are all Northerners rude. I've seen my mama smile to strangers or ask them how they're doing and sometimes she'll get no response. The look in her face is always the same. A bit of anger as well as sadness. Some people don't understand that this is our way of life. It's kind of tradition in the South and I plan to continue it.
    All I gotta do is stay sexy and die. ;)

    The Smith's.

    Fierce family!There's a lot of talk about how Will and Jada are terrible parent's because they let Willow get her hair cut that way. Please let me know what the problem is? It's just hair and it is so cute on her. The style, the cut, everything. It works. The reason why Willow wanted her hair cut like that wasn't to imitate Rihanna, it was for herself, a sense of freedom.
    There is also criticism about Willow's fit. I don't see anything wrong with it whatsoever. Her fit is bawse! She's fully dressed so what's the problem? Just because she isn't your average 10 year old wearing pink and tu tu's doesn't make her a victim of bad parenting nor does it mean she will grow up as an out of control child. She's the coolest 10 year old I've ever seen. She and her parents, as well as her brother,s get mad cool points from me. :)

    Look back.

    15 minutes before I turned 18 Jalen asked me how much I've changed from exactly a year ago. It was very hard for me to think of things but I still continued to think about it these past few days. 

    I've learned a lot about love the past year. In 2008 I lost my virginity to a guy who I thought was going to love me. Last year after my birthday we had sex a few times and it never dawned on me that after 4 years and sex we were never going to be together. If a man was going to love me, he would, sex or no sex. Jalen has showed me how I should be loved and treated. I am truly blessed to have found him and have him in my life.

    For many years I've battled depression and suicide and my 17th year of life has been the hardest. Too frequent I thought about ending my life and I dwelled on how unhappy I was. To a lot of my old followers, I'm pretty sure you can tell when I hit rock bottom, quite a few times I might add. At the time I didn't want to reveal that I was suicidal to total strangers but I'm positive some posts were pretty obvious. The reason I'm making this public now is because I'm completely over that part of my life. I'm in a better place now and I've learned not to let certain things get to me and to also keep in mind that things will always get better. I have a more positive outlook on life. Of course there will be time where I'm sad but it's up to me to deal with it in a positive way and to not let it destroy me. I thank God that I'm here today to see 18 years of life.

    My 18th birthday! :)

    Yall, he did it again. Jalen did it again! Before I go into details about that, I'll go into details about how my birthday went.

    I woke up around 9:30 expecting to get ready for church. As I logged into facebook I heard my mamas voice outside. I ran downstairs and out the back door. She looks at me and says, "Happy Birthday! Look at you looking 18!" I don't know about all that seeing as how I had bedhead and yesterdays clothes on, so be it, I was 18. She and I talked about what I had planned that day. I had nothing planned at all but to go to church and that didn't happen. We settled on going out to eat because that's usually how things turn out on birthdays and such. I did a little of this and a little of that around the house until it was time to go. We got there, and my best frann, his mama and his friend joined my family, my sister, and mama. We ate, we laughed, we had a good time.

    The night before Jalen told me he was leaving to Georgia the next morning. I was upset that he wouldn't be there but I accepted it especially since I didn't have plans anyways. Yesterday morning we texted about gifts and a cake. I didn't have a cake so he said he was going to mail me one from GA. Really??

    After eating and saying my good-byes and thank you's, I went back home. It was around 5 in the evening and I figured I'd spend the rest of my birthday lounging around the house. I decided to get on the Wii and it wished me a happy birthday! It had on a party hat and confetti was all over the TV screen. I was too excited! :) The doorbell rang. It was my mama's friend Traycee. A few minutes, it rings again. I didn't answer because I was wrapped up in my Wii game and I figured it was for my mama.

    Then I hear "Why you aint open the door?!" "I don't know who it is!" "It don't matter!" "Ugghhh."

    I open the door and it's Jalen with my birthday cake! JALEN HAS MY BIRTHDAY CAKE AT MY HOUSE!! Excuse me, but weren't you supposed to be in Georgia mister?? I was soooo shocked! My mama and Traycee come from the back room singing Happy Birthday. I'm blushing and bashful.

    I blew the candles and cut the cake. Jalen hands me a Converse Chuck Taylor shoe box; they were the blue ones [first ones one the birthday list post.] Too cute. So then he hands me another gift but this time it's actually in a birthday gift bag with the tissue and stuff. Before I opened it he said "I know you really wanted those shoes but I looked everywhere in Tennessee." So naturally I expected something else. As soon as I opened it he said "Soo...I had to go out of the state, Kentucky." and they were those flipping Jordan Spiz'ikes! [These ones.] Yes, the ones that were sold out everywhere!
    He did it again!

    Whew! So I opened Traycee's gift and it was a Sony Cyber-shot 14.1 mega pixels in red. She also included a case, a memory card and a tripod. Youtube here I come!

    After our 4 person party, the adults left. Jalen said to me "You really think I'd miss your 18th birthday." :D
    He and I played the Wii for awhile and then watched the game. Our team lost therefore he convinced that we should never watch a game together again because I'm bad luck. :( The rest of the night we basically did what we always do at my house, chilled, talked, cuddled. Around 11:30 my baby was on his way home.

    I had a great birthday. Here's a few pics:
     This would be the best frann.
     
    Jalen, me and Traycee.


    Oh girl, it's your birthday!


    Open wide, I know ya thirsty!

    -----------------

    Your girl is officially 18 
    (as of 9 hours and 32 minutes ago) :D
    Just thought I'd pop in and let you all know that.
    Now I'm about to go have a fun filled day
    doing whatever I please with whomever I please! :)

    Be back laters with pics or something I'm sure.
    Maybe... If I get that camera I asked for. ;)
    Ta Ta loves. ♥

    To Do List:

    1. Love
    2. Dream
    3. Be free

    Have a good day and do as many impossible things as you can.

    Crystal ball.

    Have you ever thought about what it would be like if you married the person you were dating or crushing on? Thought about the kids you would have, you with their last name or vice versa, the house, the car, the actual wedding. All of it. What it would be like to spend the rest of your life with them.
    I do it all the time.
    I feel there would be no point in dating someone if I can't see myself with them. I don't date people just to say "I have a boyfriend", to feel loved, or to hold hands in public. Of course, the relationship may fall apart, or may not even happen, before you get to see if the things you imagined would take place. From the get go, thinking about it may sound very scary to the other person as if you're moving too fast.
    But why would I waste my time dating you if I can't see myself with you in the future. And for the guys that didn't make the cut early on, it's all just a learning and growing process.

    I hope yall understand what I'm trying to say without me making a fool out of myself...

    BP oil spill.

    Many people may not realize how tragic the situation is. I won't go into detail. Just know that the oil spill is out of hand, animals may become extinct, the oil has reached beaches and coast lines, and there is talk that the oil could reach Carolina shores in a month.


    Click here for the others.

    My heart aches. :(

    Birthday List [4]

    Yesterday before MITP, one of my brown XXI sandals broke off of my foot! I'm so sad because I just ordered them and they no longer have them up. They have the same sandals just different colors. I want my brown ones. :(

    Therefore, I want a bunch of cute sandals all kinds of colors. I don't want flip flips or baby doll flats. I want cute sandals. They aren't expensive at all. That is all for now. :)

    Movies in the Park. (I.)

    Yesterday was the first one of many during the summer.
    There are many more to come.
    Enjoy the pics! :D


    Of  course there was fighting. Smh.
    I really believe and hope next week will be better. :)