thatgirlshel

"Reminded of the love we had."

My ex boyfriend--you know, the guy who swept me off my feet in high school and broke my heart thereafter? Yeah, that ex boyfriend-- came to visit.

Parted August 2010. Met and conversed October 2011. Ran into each other June 2013. Came over December 2013. Was I shocked? Sure. Was I happy to see him? Of course. But I couldn't figure out why.

For the hours that led to his arrival I was like a giddy school girl that wanted to strangle the rowdy butterflies in her stomach. "I'll let you know when I''m close." What do I wear?? "I'm ten minutes way." Okay, play it cool, but casual. *takes deep breath* While trying to contain my composure and keep the butterflies from escaping my throat, it hit me: Your first love will always be your first love.

That cannot be undone and taken away.

Over the past few years I have envisioned someday being together again. "We just needed time apart. We simply needed to grow separately to grow together again," were my hopeful thoughts on the matter.

Over the past few years I've tried to disregard how I might possibly have felt about him. When his name came up I tried not smile. When I ran into him in the mall I wanted to run behind the nearest kiosk from bashfulness and the fear of my red flushed skin. When a mutual friend would give me the 411 on his life, I tried to pretend that I didn't care, but all the more keeping a keen ear.

3pm to 10pm. 7 hours of catching up. 7 hours of laughing.

There were times of silence and times of awkwardness, but there were also times of reflecting, going down memory lane, and learning about the person we used to love 3 years prior.

The person that we used to love.
Reminded of the love we had.

As I watched him walk to the same car I rode shotgun in for 365 days, I remembered why we fell in love.
But it wasn't the same. 

"I felt everything, yet felt nothing."