thatgirlshel

Day 13 — Someone I wish could forgive me.

I'm sorry. Forgive me?

Shelby

xoxo

11:11

I wish to feel loved again. I wish I didn't feel so lonely. I wish that wasn't the truth, that I'm lonely. I wish I had a life to live instead of watching other people live theirs. I wish others would be happy. How could I be happy when the ones around me aren't? I wish I wasn't so hard on myself. I wish I knew someone was here for me. I wish someone would hold me at night. That's all I need.

I wish I was stronger than this.

Day 12 — The person that has caused me a lot of pain.

I thought I could forgive you but I can't. I'll never forget what you did to me and now other guys have to pay for that. The fact that I can't open up. The fact that I build walls. The fact that I am sometimes ashamed of who I am. On the other hand, I do hope you've had a good life since then and continue to have a good life.

Shelby

xoxo

With the stars.

For the record, I do not smoke nor do I plan to. Just thought I'd share what Obama's reason was for getting high. I'm still not sure about his words, although they are put together very well from such an articulate man. How is his reason the opposite from others? As much as I seem down, not once has smoking pot crossed my mind so that I could "laugh at the world’s ongoing folly". . . I love these words but at the same time, I hate them.

“I got high for just the opposite effect, something that could push questions of who I was out of my mind, something that could flatten out the landscape of my heart, blur the edges of my memory. I had discovered that it didn’t make any difference whether you smoked reefer in the white classmate’s sparkling new van, or in the dorm room of some brother you’d met down at the gym, or on the beach with a couple of Hawaiian kids who had dropped out of school and now spent most of their time looking for an excuse to brawl. You might just be bored, or alone. Everybody was welcome into the club of disaffection. And if the high didn’t solve whatever it was that was getting you down, it could at least help you laugh at the world’s ongoing folly and see through all the hypocrisy and bullshit and cheap moralism.”
-Barack Obama

"Everybody was welcome into the club of disaffection."

Fact #7:

I can't do a push up. Not a single one.

Close your eyes and witness extraordinary things.
Feel it and let the fantasy seep through your pores.
Close you eyes because your thoughts and dreams ,
are the only things that are ever really yours.

Urban Dictionary : Tennessee

Things you Should Know About TN Before Moving Here (for Northerners):

1.What sweet tea(tea with sugar) and sweet milk (not buttermilk) are.

2.Memphis is Detroit with a Southern accent.

3.No snowdays. Just "ice on the road" days. If the temp goes below 25F, we think a new Ice Age is upon us.

4.110 F is "a tad warm".

5. "Kiss my ass" is a perfectly acceptable way to end an argument.

6. Saying "Bless her/his heart" before you insult someone will safely allow you to drag them through the mud.

7.Toast is unnatural. Eat biscuits like God meant you to.

8. Flirtin' is Southern tradition. It doesn't mean you're getting lucky.

9. If you try to speak with our accent, remember draw out your vowels, y'all is two or more people, and y'all's is plural possessive. Don't blame me if you get an ass-whoopin'.

10. If you don't like it down here, the airline goes both ways.Although I don't drag people through the mud nor eat biscuits, the rest are pretty accurate to my life. :)
This seriously made me love my state all over again for some reason...

Day 11 — A deceased person I wish you could talk to.

You were so young. So so young. A few months before, you had just won Freshman Homecoming King. If anyone deserved it, it was you. Your life was taken away from you too soon. I will never forget your bright beautiful eyes. No one will. You're supposed to be a senior this fall, I know you would have broken girls' hearts with that smile and taken the crown for Homecoming, Coming home, and Prom king. :) I miss you. R.I.P. 02.11.08.

I still can't believe you're gone. Facebook even tells me we should catch up and share the latest news...You know that picture you last commented on, I feel as though I can never delete it. What makes it harder is that I just saw you and talked to you about how expensive milk was. You meant so much to so many people especially your sister. I know you're flashing that smile in heaven baby boy. I miss you. R.I.P. 09.08.08.

I'll never forget how we meet and all the times by the pool just kicking it. I saw Bryan a few weeks ago. His son is getting so big. And Nando, haven't heard from him in about 5 years. Paige said she saw him one night. Paige misses you so much. Why did you do it? Why? You didn't have to and now you're not here with us. You're not here! You should be here but you're not because of a mistake you made. Now you can't take it back. We can't take it back for you. If I could, by God I would. I loovvvve you so so much. I always felt we were better off as friends, I guess my heart can take it a little bit better. But the pain will never go away. Why did you do it?! Why? Maybe it was meant for you to go. . .This was your last facebook status "is sayin at da end of da day, you are yo own support system cuz dey jus gonna doubt u .... im solo". No, WE are your support system. WE have your back. WE love you. You are not alone, you were never alone! I miss and love you so much. I wish I told you more when you were here. I miss you. R.I.P. 09.30.08.

Shelby

xoxo

Day 10 - Letter to someone I don't talk to as much as I'd like.

I'm sorry and I realize it's my fault. I've come to realize lately that I push people away from me, including those I love the most, and unfortunately you're no exception. I want to talk to you, share stories and jokes, know how your day went, make plans, talk to you when you need someone the most; I want to be a part of your life, not just someone who you crossed paths with. Please forgive me. I can't make a promise that things will change because more than likely I know they won't. . .

I'm glad that there are other people who you can talk to when I fail to do so.

You eremitic friend,

Shelby

xoxo

"Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief."

"...and I am crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly... terribly alone."