you suck.

I'll make this quick because my clothes need to come out of the washer in 19 minutes. There's currently dog eat dog going on in the laundry room. 

Anywho, I know you said that you didn't want to know anymore, whether you were playing or not, but in my heart I still wanted to let you know how I feel and the reason why you suck.

I like you.

I really like you, but there are a few problems.

First, I'm sure the feeling isn't mutual, and I honestly don't care. Even if they were, nothing would come about of you knowing. Nothing. We'd still be in the same situation.

Second, we aren't on the same page when it comes down to our relationships with Christ. It really wouldn't be healthy for me to pursue someone who can't really help me grow spiritually. I need someone that is going to push me, and tell me when I'm slipping.

Third would be the most obvious, distance. We both know that's out of the question. 

It's senseless and useless.

I have 10 minutes.

I guess this is the hard part. I've felt something since the first time we talked. Nothing serious, just a connection. A connection I didn't expect from a complete stranger. You're just so easy to go to. I love talking to you because I know you have the right things to say whether it be advice or causal conversation about your weekend. Your intellect is amazing. I've at times found myself wanting to learn more because of you. I actually thank you for that because, I love to learn new things. It's just that the determination may not always be there. You may or may not know, but this post and this post is about you. Probably more. I don't know...

Be right back.

Okay, there are time where I'm sure you do like me, but I don't get my hopes up. For what reason should I? There isn't one, because nothing's going to change. After all of this, it's clear to me, it's been clear to me, that its useless to like you. There really isn't a point. I love our friendship the way it is. I'm really trying to get my feelings out of the way, because they don't belong. I'm leaving it up to God. He's the only one I'm trying to focus on right on.

You're my imaginary friend and my booger. I wouldn't change that for the world.

And this my friend is why you suck.

kisses from tennessee,

puppa 

how to be alone.

i miss you.

i'm sorry. 

i love you.

“A Bible that’s falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn’t.” -Charles Spurgeon

conversations with shelby: #3

me: i don't dance. 
white boy: you dance like this on boys. *booty shakes* 
me: O_o 
white boy: you can't say you don't because i saw you at the warehouse! 
me: whhaaaa...?! that wasn't me. i've only been there once and i didn't dance. i don't even dance like that anymore. don't bring up my past.
white boy: so you never danced on a boys pee pee? 
me: O_o

booger.

Today I called you "Booger."

It means I like you.

It means I really like you.

I don't want to like you.

I can't.

It's stupid.

It's senseless. 

31411: rejoice and be glad in it.

When I'm having a terrible day, the first thing I usually say is "I can't wait for this day to be over." I complain about how terrible it is and wish that day never happened.

I thought hard one day about that simple line, "I can't wait for this day to be over." and  started thanking God that the day wasn't over. Why? Because there are people who were probably having the best days of their lives and it was probably over before they knew it. There are people who wished that day would never end, but they aren't here with us today. I will try to never take a day for granted again. Instead I will praise Him through it all because I know He will make a way despite all that I may go through.

As I was typing the very first line I made a typo that I quickly corrected, but then realized it wasn't a typo at all. I typed "I can't wait for his day to be over." His day. It really is His day, and for me to wish it were over or never happened is ungrateful of me.

For this is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

conversations with shelby: #2

how to be wishy washy.

Me: you're wishy washy. lol.
idleandwild: not me!
idleandwild: thats YOU
Me: me?? how so?!
idleandwild: one day you like THIS
idleandwild: and the other day you like THAT
idleandwild: you make MAD wishes
idleandwild: then you be like ...eff it
idleandwild: and wash it away

daily prayer.

Heavenly Father,

     I know that Lord Jesus that You are my Lord and my King, and you intercede for me. You are a loving and forgiving God and I ask You Lord to forgive me for all my sins and any un-forgiveness that I may have in my heart, I ask You Lord to forgive me for not always making You a priority in my life. I know You are strong and I need Your help right now. I am being tempted to do things that are not good for me. Give me strength Lord to say no to these pressures. Help me to find good and Godly things to keep me busy. You are my strength, Lord. I know, Lord, that You understand all the temptations that I face and what it will take to keep me from being lured in the wrong direction. So, Lord, I trust in You to know my heart and keep me from these worldly traps. Help me Lord to receive fully, with understanding, Your Word in James 1:3-4, so that when my faith is tested, my endurance has a chance to grow. I know that You will guide me along the right pathway for my life and that You will advise me and watch over me. I know Lord that You are my counselor and that I should always depend on You. I am in need of Your guidance. I don't know what to do (Psalm 32:8). Help me to do what You want done in all situations that I must face. Please Lord, put godly people in my path to show me the steps I need to take.I know Lord that there are friends who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). I ask You, Lord to help me find the kinds of friends that will be closer than a brother. Help me Lord to be the kind of friend to others that I would want for myself. Open my eyes to see the good qualities in people around me. There are so many questions that I need to ask. I want to do that right thing instead of wearing a mask. Heavenly Father, I ask for You to show Your face when I feel like giving up. Remind me of your unconditional love when I seem to have no hope in me. I know Lord that You will continue the battle for me when I can't. I want to learn to cling to You when I am going in the wrong direction. Help me to keep my thoughts on You when I become weak. Help me to continue to Praise You during low times. I thank You, Heavenly Father, for reaching down into my world and drawing me close to You. Thank You for allowing me to soak up Your strength. I thank You Lord for never giving up on me, even when I've given up on myself. Make me into the worthwhile person you destined me to be. Teach me to know Your Will for my life. I know You have a great plan for me - help me to find it. I praise You Lord for the comfort that You bring by just listening to me.

In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

cross ring//jewelry haul.

Basically my favorite accessory I've purchased in a very long time.
I also bought a few other items today from Charlotte Russe:

• big silver chandelier earrings.
• coral and gold flower ring.
• gold circular chandelier earrings with teal beads. 
• gold dangle earrings with clear tear drop stones (wearing in picture above//no justice of detail though).
• 7 gold bangles, 2 of which have coral beads.

I obviously needed more gold jewelry. The reason why I'm going accessory crazy is because I let my mama borrow my favorite earrings for her birthday party and she lost one. Therefore, I just had to make myself feel better and buy a plethora of jewelry. :)

I'm also about to order more things from Forever21. When those things come in the next few days, I'll show you guise everything! :)

til the end of time.

beautiful.

their voices.

the passion.

the nudity.

his back.

the message.

beautiful.

SB'11

My spring break officially started yesterday at 8:37 am.
My sister picked me up from school, I only live an hour away.
We talked a lot about life at school and about my nephew, who is due any week now.
My mama had her 40th Birthday party last night also.
I've never seen her so happy and having so much fun. I loved it.
I deep conditioned my hair. I'm really thinking about a weave though...



I'm just going to sleep this break away. I can feel it.
No Florida, no beaches, no sand, no sun. Just my bed.


And I'm okay with that.

my gift.

For weeks I've been thinking about what my gift is for the Kingdom. I thought so many times about art. Art was all that kept crossing my mind. I didn't want to do any of it anymore, but it always tugged at my heart. I still had the desires to create beautiful pieces, but never the drive and determination. I felt as though it didn't matter. Last night I had gotten confirmation that art is certainly my calling. I will no longer push it aside and hide from it. I will utilize the gift the Lord gave me for nothing more than to praise Him and love others. 

Life update coming soon.