"Now the dunce cap is off."
It's been a little over a month since Jalen and I broke up; I'm just now letting go. I thought I was over it, but I hit him up about a week ago and he said that he wanted to see me. Now I took that as "I miss you. We should get back together. What was I thinking letting you go?" and I ran with it. It hit me two nights ago that I'm holding on to something that isn't there anymore. That, and the fact that I found out something that I tried to be in denial about. I'm going to say this to myself for the last time, "If he wanted to be with me, he would." That didn't cross my mind these past few weeks until I was reminded by a good friend. Holding on has also kept me from being free. I can honestly say that I am free and I love it.
Another thing, sex before marriage ain't happenin' over on this end! It's been over a year since I've had sex and plan on waiting until I am married. Something happened the other day and I started crying. (I won't tell you what happened. Lol.) The guy just looked at me, wiped my tears and told me I was beautiful. Lol. I felt so much guilt on me that I just couldn't control my emotions. I've never cried over anything like that so that's how I know I need to wait and that I will.
Everyday is a growing and learning process.
WELCOME TO THE "NO SEX BEFO' THE I DO'S" CLUB ! *hi 5's you hardcore*
ReplyDeleteIt's a club I'm proud to be in :o)
Now I feel you hardcore on this "I'm just now letting go matter" and even now that you feel this way, another feeling may hit you in a couple of days and you're like.... :o( but the good thing is you're on the right track, life is giving you a lot right now and I suggest you continue to eat it on up, it makes this healing process so much easier :o)
There's absolutely nothing wrong with just now, being able to let go of the situation. I am just proud of you for continuing to grow and mature. I'm also proud of you for continuing to wait until marriage to have sex. Big steps. :]
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