It's now 1:38. I just sat here looking at the computer screen for the last nine minutes eating frozen fruit. I really wish every possible pain was no more, emotional as well as physical. There isn't anything I want more in the world than happiness. Because it's not fair. No one asked to be here. This is something we have to do, life is something that happens no matter what, unless you took that opportunity from yourself, someone else, or nature. Why must we go through life dealing with other people's shit. ? I can't fathom the concept that "Life isn't fair." because it should be. "Fair" is a decision. To cheat isn't fair. To lie isn't fair. To eat half the cookies in the box knowing good and well that your sister hadn't had any, isn't fair. Life isn't fair. But why? I have a feeling it just talked in circled and didn't make any sense whatsoever...
1:49. The bowl of fruit is gone.
1:50. I really just want to close my eyes, open them again and be walking across the stage clutching my college diploma and not looking back. Let's get on with life already! When will it begin?!
1:52. Why can't we be who we want to be? Why do others' opinions matter so much? Why must we seek approval of ourselves from the people who matter the least? & why do compliments not set well with my soul? Why do we want to know the truth yet deny it?
1:57. "The
2.01. Do you ever sit and ask yourself “Am i really here, is this all real?”
2.03. As much as I hate life, I love it all the while. Why? Because along with the bad, there as some good in the world and I take note and acknowledge them all. Seriously I do. You should too. :)
2:18. I have to go to church this morning and then I'm having a huge family dinner. My sister's 19th birthday is Monday. I suppose I'll at least try to sleep. It'll do me some good.
Goodnight. 2:20.
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