All at sea.

Tonight offically starts my pescatarian lifestlye for the rest of my life! I'm very very excited because I've been talking about it for awhile now but I'm actually going through with it. Tonight I ate baked salmon that I cooked myself, angel hair pasta with herbs, and steamed baby patato mixed melody veggies. :) Doesn't that sound like an expensive meal?? Well it wasn't, it was about $5 and I have some food left over.

My girls and I are going out to Chedder's, a resturant we want to try, and I've looked at the menu in advange to prepare. They have lots of options for beef, pork, and chicken free meals.

• Grilled Tilapia With Mango Salsa
  Grilled seasoned shrimp and our handmade mango salsa top a generous fillet of grilled tilapia. Served with savory seasoned rice and two sides.
• Tilapia Alexander
  Blackened Tilapia and Shrimp topped with our Homemade Alexander sauce. Served on a bed of seasoned rice with two side dishes.
• Asian Chicken & Shrimp Salad (I'd obviously ask for no chicken)
  Far East inspired grilled chicken breast and shrimp top a medley of fresh salad greens, crispy Asian noodles, crunchy cabbage, mandarin oranges, and fresh tomatoes, all tossed in a flavorful sesame ginger dressing.

From now on my meals will look like this. Lol. Okay, something like this. :)

Young&Cute not Grown&Sexy.

A few months ago I realized that I get called "cute" a lot. Even at work, customers ask me what grade I am in high school or "If I'm ready to be a senior." They ask how old I am and when I respond they are shocked. I've even been called adorable. So what I'm getting from everybody is that I look like I'm 16.

But yesterday I felt a lot better about it. Someone told me,

"Girl you won't get to that sexy stage until you're 25. People just don't feel comfortable calling you anything other than cute because you look young. But just think, you're going to be a MILF. All of you're kids friends are going to want you."

Lmao! I guess that's a way to look at it. :)

Truths; Human Tendicies.

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
2. Answer me this, how the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
3. I take back all the time's I didn't want nap-time as a kid.
4. Map Quest needs to start their directions on # 5 on something. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
5. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired. [The reason why #3 is completly relevant.]
6. Bad choices make great stories.
7. I’m always terrified when I exit out of Microsoft Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page paper that I'm pretty sure I did not make any changes to. But I save it anyways.
8. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this - ever. 
9. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings a few times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?  
10. I hate leaving my house looking good the best I have in a long time and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. -___-
11. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. Advice, save that number under "Do Not Answer". I promise you'll never have that problem again.
12. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
13. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring the groceries in.
14. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
15. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
16. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

A few are from Tumblr.

"It's for the best. I know it is."

My co-worker and I have become really close friends over the past few years. Every since I've known him, he's been with the same girl. Everytime we talked I asked about her and he asked about mine. I knew the way he felt about her was genuine. He was just a little confused sometimes. They we're very much in love but he wasn't very faithful. I know I know, if you're in love with someone how could you possibly be unfaithful? I can't answer that question nor will I try to. But the way he talked about her I knew the love was there.

Just recently they had broken up. It wasn't because of his cheating. It was actually something beyond their control where parents had gotten involved and so on...

Ending a two year relationship has got to be hard. I see him pasing back and forth just thinking and thinking. The looks on his faces. It's honestly heartbreaking watching him. He's not himself at all. A few days ago he said to me, "Shelby, can I please get a hug? I just really need a hug..." We hugged and all I wanted to do was cry. I could feel his pain...

He has another girlfriend now but he still can't stop thinking and talking about his ex, she's always texting him saying how much she hates him and then a few minutes later, how much she loves him. When I found out he was with another girl I was shocked but then he told me his reasoning.

He said. "I think this break up was best for us. Especially her. She doesn't deserve me, I know she doesn't. She deserves someone better and I just need to start over. I love her but... I think it's all God. It happened this way because it needs to. And as far as my new girl, it's like God took her [my ex's] personality and put it in her body. She's almost the same girl, she's almost perfect. She just isn't her."

When I think about the situation and about him, all I want to do is cry. For some reason it hits too close for comfort. To watch a relationship for over two years crumble is hard for me. It makes me think about my relationship. He wanted to marry that girl. I don't think he ever saw this comming. Sadly, nothing in this life is guaranteed except death...

“So, tell them kids to keep coloring outside the lines until they lose their limitations and their minds are free.”

— Gym Class Heroes

Don't mind me, just passing by. (Updates, rants, and stretch marks.]

I feel like writing my little heart out. I feel it, I know it's there but I just can't. I've been sitting here for hours wanting to write. About anything, everything. Every now and then when this happens, I just decided to let my fingers lead me. So here I am.

I'm starting to get that empty and lost feeling again. I try from the depths of my soul not to let deary emotions as such deluge me entirely. I'm getting better at it now. Better at dealing with this tug of war inside of me intead of letting it become apart of who I am.

"Do you feel happy because you're free or free because you're happy?"

I'm doing better on an effort to become healthier. I'm not unhealthy, I've never been. But I have been am out of shape. There's certainly a difference between the two. I'm increasing my calcium intake, lowering my sodium, and drinking more water. I now take supplements for hair, skin and nails, calcium for strong bones, and biotin. I'm going to start stretching everyday. I seriously want my flexibility back.

I would talk about Jalen but...

Actually I will. We don't argue a lot. Every now and then something comes up and within a few days it's a done deal. Now I've figured out why we don't argue or disagree too often. I don't tell him when I'm upset with him and vice versa. Sometimes we can tell but in actuality, we both hide our emotions of one another really well. I'm not comparing him to Jeremy but the reason why I think he feels we're closer is because Jeremy talks and talks and talks. He tells me every little thing. Like what happened at work about the lady on the toliet and exactly where he's going even when I don't ask. We just talk. Ugghhhh. Let me stop bitchin'.

Nope, not done. We're wasting time. I feel like college is the only excuse we'll have and that's a reason I can't wait to go. I can't wait to cut my phone off because that's a reason. But then a-fucking-gain it's not. It's been 11 months and things we're better then than they are now. This is so stupid. He won't get it. He wont understand. Or maybe I'm the one that's blowing things out of proportion. On his end, everything may be perfection. On my end I feel like everything's crumbling right before my eyes. I don't have any reassurance. None whatsoever. I'm in the dark. He doesn't really call. I've called everyday for the past 3 or 4 days. Nothing. I'm tired. I tried of stressing over this relationship but I need it. Yes, I need it. I don't want anything more than this relationship to work. There are so many things I want to say and pour my heart out to him about but I just know I can't. Not because of him but because of me. We're seriously the slowest progressing couple ever. I feel like we've been together 3 months. Lol. I don't know maybe it's a good thing. We still have a lot to know and learn about each other. I sure as hell know he has a lot more to know about me...well sorta. He knows a lot already. I surprises me sometimes just how well he knows me. It's kinda scary. He may know me better than I know myself...

My family and I are doing better, well at least my mama and I. I never told you all what went down but it was probably one of the worst family problems I've ever had. We're past it.

I've been looking at my stretch marks a lot lately. They're everywhere; boobies and thighs. How??! I don't know. I hate them though. I remember last year when I was getting a swimsuit, I was so focused on my stretch marks I couldn't even enjoy shopping. Which is sad because I love shopping but I actually don't enjoy it a lot. I hate shopping with people. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I don't have fun. I'll pretend to shop but I won't really look at anything nor buy anything. I guess that's why I enjoy shopping online. except the shipping and handling.

I need a car so I can go shopping all by myself. I can't beause I always need a ride.

I think this is the longest post I've ever written. And what the hell is it about?? Nothing!

I'm sure none of you will read it but that's cool. I ain't writing for you. This is my damn blog!

By the way- excuse my typos and spelling and such. If you would like, make a game out of it to point all of my flaws out and let me know. I don't mind.

It's 12.23 am.

Goodnight.

Stillness is the move.

Original:




Solo's version:

"After all that we've been through,
I know that I will always love you
from now until forever baby.
I can't imagine anything better."

Denim & Florals.

Next on my list.

Denim Vest.

I'm looking for a vest similar to Miss Robyn Fenty's. :)

& lots of florals.

I love the look of tough denim paired with florals for a more girly vibe.

Btw- I had that Two finger "Love" ring. It broke though. :(

Grinds my Gears #2:

People who like their own status' on Facebook. O_o

"Honey, would you put a bumper sticker on a Bentley?"

Kim Kardashian couldn't have said it better.

I know I recently said I was back on the tattoo train, but I just can't. Firstly, I won't get one for respect of Jalen who is 100% agaisnt them. Then, my body is fine the way it is. Will getting a tattoo change how I feel about myself? It certainly won't be for the better if it does change. And lastly, it would not kill me if I never get one. I don't think I'll ever regret not getting a tattoo. Seriously, I don't need it. Oh, and lets not forget about the pain, the money, and the "addiction."

As long as I'm with Jalen, as long as I live under my mothers roof, and as long as I continue to love my body just the way it is, I vow to never get a tattoo.

I can't spell to save my life.

If I were in a situation with a gun to my head and the guy said "If you don't spell this word right, I'll pull the trigger." Chances are 9/10 I won't survive.

I know I just got on to people who use the words "you're/your" wrong etc... but in that rant I spelled "grammar" wrong. Lol. I must thank anonymous (btw I had to google that).  Call me a hypocrite if you will. I may not be the greatest speller but there is a difference between syntax and punctuation, semantics and spelling.... If I had to choose between always having my sentences structured correctly and always spelling every word correctly, I’d choose the former.

Exes are exes for a reason.

My ex Jeremy and I are like the best of friends. He was my best friend when we were togther and after we broke up we didn't talk for about six months. We broke the silence when I called him on his 19th birthday. Every since then we've made an effort to build a friendship. For those months we didn't talk, we hated each other and we realized that we can't go on that way. It was very pointless.

Now we talk almost on a daily basis. Mostly about his music or about my relationship with Jalen. The reason why it's so easy for us to be friends is because we were friends for 2 and a half years prior to our relationship. I know a lot of people that feel it isn't right to be friends with the ex. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as bounderies are set and expectations of the fine lines are met. And if you choose not to be friends with your ex for whatever reason, there is no need to be rude. Let's keep it cordial.

He is my ex for a reason, as well as my best friend, and it shall remain that way until the end of time.

Soul Sistas.

I need this shirt in my life &

I will pay a crazy amount of money for it &
Only problem is, I can't find it on the net &
If I have to, I will get this made.

Father of art Nouveau.

During a tropical heat I am thinking about how cold it is where you are...It is beautiful here, quiet - woods of "wilderness".

-Alphonse Mucha.

Grinds my Gears #1:

Let me school you.

There is a difference between You're / Your .

There is a difference between Two / To / Too .

There is a difference between They're / There / Their .

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

If you don't know the difference nor how to use the terms correctly
please stop what you're doing and google them. Please!

Sometimes improper grammar, especially as simple as this, causes me to question the value of humanity.

"Where you stayin'?" "Rawlins." "Me too!"

I went to my future university today to registar for classes and such! :)

I befriended two girls that are staying in my hall! They were hella cool and we clicked. I really don't want to stay in that hall because I hate the floor plan, but they actually might convince me to say. I need new friends you know?

I'm a sociology major with 13 credits this semester and an 8am history class (Lord help me).
I'm thinking about going undecided next semester...

My mama and I ate, laughed, walked around. We talked to financial aid and there was a typo in my information and if that wouldn't have been caught and corrected I would have owed thousands of dollars, which I don't have meaning I would have been purged from school. Thank God we found that out before it was too late.

Once I got home, I got some nasty ass gummie worms from the gas station but I needed them. Ugh. That's why I don't eat nobody gummi worms but K Rogers. Then we went to the Dollar Tree and I found a big ass eraser for BIG mistakes! I thought it was soo cute. :)

I also got flowers for my hair. I'll show you lovelies later.

Hope you all had a great and blessed day as well! :D

I wish you could convince me that you cared all the time.

11 months.

I love this song and it pretty much sums up our relationship on my behalf.

& judge me!

I know I'm weird and forgot some of the words. :P

RE: Confessions of a Glasses Girl.

• Goes to wash my face, forgets my glasses are on.
  
• Accidently falls asleep with my glasses on, wakes up with an imprint on my face.


• Glasses Tan.


• Hot ass days, sweating, glasses keep slipping off.
  
• Glasses Fog.
  
• Those blind moments when I misplace my glasses.

( via thedreamersdaughter)

Salmon & wild rice!

Go ahead, lick the screen.

Yesterday night my mama made salmon with bacon on it plopped on wild rice. Since I don't like bacon I took it off and I still loved it. I'm not really a salmon girl but it was yummy!

After work today my sister's boyfriend's step-mom invited us over for dinner. Guess what we had. Salmon! It was sooooo good and beautiful I just had to take a picture. It was baked salomn with yellow and red pepper garnish, lemon, and parsley. (Yes, I know my herbs. No, she did not tell me the recipe.) We had wild rice also as well as spinach and bread toast stuff. Yummmm!

And for dessert we had brownies with ice cream and toppings of our choice. Out of whipped cream, toffee chunks, caramel and chocolate drizzle, I only chose the caramel. I'm not a huge fan of brownies so I mostly ate the ice cream. :)

I'm pretty positive salmon is my new favorite food. I can't wait to see what else is possible to do with it.

"And her body built just like a coke bottle..."

34

24

34

I'm not the one to toot my own horn but my goodness, I need to. I've recently come to the conclusion that my body is on it! When I got out of the shower a few days ago I was all "Dang girl! When'd you get hips??" They were actually there. I'm not fabricating what I saw in the least bit. I thought my body would stop changing when I turned 18, or when I had children, but that obviously isn't the case. Either it's that or they've been there for awhile now and I just never noticed because I accepted my petite frame for what it was. I've always thought I was too skinny or that I needed a bigger romp to have a great body. Psshh! Child, I look at myself in the mirror now and I can't stop! I have such a tiny waist. Call me crazy but I think the weight that I'm losing is actually the best for my figure. I'm currently 123 lbs and I would like to stay that way. I'm at a healthy weight and I'm happy with it.

daily devotion.

May the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.

2 Tessalonians 3:16

"Those who risk nothing, do nothing, have nothing,And become nothing.They may avoid present suffering and sorrow, but they will not learn, feel, change, grow, love, or live."

— William Arthur Ward

— My reflection.

Dear Shelby,

I know you've been going through some things in these past few months, or years I should say. It'll be okay and it'll all be over soon. You know how I know? 'Cause you have people in your life that love you and that support you more than you'll probably ever realize. It doesn't matter how lonely you get, just remember that you are not alone in this cold and scary world.

Never again should you wallow in your self pity nor the pity of others. If you feel sadness, let it out. Scream, cry, talk to someone, anyone. There are people who are always willing to listen, including the Lord. You are a beautiful, intelligent woman with a bright future just waiting for you. Go for that future. Don't let the fears of today hurt you tomorrow. Nothing and no one can hold you back...but you.

You're a genuinely happy person. I know you are. It's just trying to escape from the depths of your soul. Show everyone who you really are and what you're made of. The little things in life, remember them. The disappointments, let them go. Anything you do in life is "never a failure, always a lesson." Learn from them and teach others.

Remember those words you wrote awhile ago, "Keeping myself, family and friends happy is my mission...Too often we under estimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring...all of which have the potential to turn a life around." Of course you remember, you can never forget. What I want you to do is not just know these words but make them apart of your life and keep them close to your heart. Keep the ones you love closer and never let them go. If they do go, I hope that they've etched their mark into your bones so that they may be a part of you forever. Let them leave their mark...

Live Shelby. Simply live. This is your life. You are in control of your destiny.

Build your relationship with God for you will for sure be on the right path to happiness for the rest of your life.

I love you.

Love,

you

xoxo

P.S- I skipped day 28 and 29 on purpose. This was way more important. More than any of you may realize.

Pretty on Pink.

My dream car. :)
I don't care what make and model the car is,
as long as it's white and my rims are hot pink!

Things I have accomplished this summer:

• Oh! and nothing.

Pretty great list right?? Ok ok, I'll make a real list.

• Turned 18 with a wonderful surprise from my boyfriend.
• Went to Movies in the Park 3 times.
• Had an old fashion sleepover.
• Found out who my roommate was and friend requested her on facebook.
• Went to my friends grandmas house for a lil pool party.
• Saw Toy Story 3 in 3D.
• Watched my little brother lots and lots!
• Spent lots of loot in Goodwill.
• Made lots of $$$$.
• Finally opened an accout to put said $$$$
• Dyed my natural hair!
• Learned to drive. Hahaha...NO! -____-

Wasn't exactly what I wanted out of my summer, but when I write it all down. Wasn't that bad I suppose.

To my future husband:

"I wanna give you my breath, my strength, my will to be here.

That's the least I can do, let me cater 2 you.

Through the good, the bad, the ups and the downs.

I'll still be here for you, let me cater 2 you."

---------------------

This is probably my favorite song of their's, top 3 at least. When I first heard this song I was like "Yes! Ill do all of that!" Because he's my husband for a reason, I love him and I'll give my all to him. There's nothing wrong with spoiling your man, right? They also said "Let me cater 2 you, 'cause baby this is your day." Your day, not your life. Lol. What I'm saying is, I'll cater to him without him feeling like that's what I have to do but I also won't hesitate or hold back anything I do for him.

"DO NOT HIDE YOUR FEELINGS

LET OTHERS KNOW

WHERE THEY STAND"

-Panda Express Fortune

Day 27 - The friendliest person I knew for only one day.

Hi. Thank you. We need more people like that in the world.

Shelby

xoxo

P.S.- I'm so ready for this challenge to be over! Lol. I'm pretty sure you can tell. :)

Day 26 — The last person I made a pinky promise to.

I TAKE PINKY PROMISES SERIOUSLY!

Whoever that I last made a pinky promise to, you better be glad I don't remember who you are nor do I remember the promise. Just know that if you break that promise, I'll break you face. Have a good day. :)

The pinky promiser,

Shelby

xoxo

"Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it’s alright

The more you stay the same,
the more they seem to change.

Don’t you think it’s strange?"

 

- Corinne Bailey Rae

so relevant.

I am amazed at how accurate this is pertaining to my life.

TWO WOLVES

"An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life…

He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

One wolf is evil — he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

The other is good—-he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied: “The one you feed”."

Oct. 2009.

Day 25 — The person I know that is going through the worst of times.

Lonely soul. Hopeless heart. Inquiring mind... All you need is time.

You

xoxo

P.S. Missing you is painfully inconvenient.

a million little pieces.

I need this in my life as well as a bakers dozen of cupcakes. Please?

"My mind has been the most discontented and restless one that ever was put into a body too small for it. I never felt my mind repose upon anything with complete and undistracted enjoyment—upon no person but you. When you are in the room my thoughts never fly out of window; you always concentrate my whole senses."

-John Keats.

BOMBAY PROSTITUTES, 2006

photo : Mary Ellen MarkClick picture.

"It's very beautiful over there."

Oh Thomas Edison, please take me there. I don't know where there is but I believe it's more beautiful than I could ever imagine.

"No matter how far in or out of the closet you are, you still have a next step."

I in no way dislike homosexuals. I don't hate them nor do I fear them. On the other hand, I do not agree with their lifestyle.

I'd rather not dip into religion too much but I will make a few points. Those who ridicule gays are usually the ones who consider themselves religious people that live their lives according to their faith. A few years ago, I saw a few lesbians in church and my first thought was "Why are they here?" A few months ago I realized I was wrong to question someone's attendence based on the way they live. If that we're the case, I should have first questioned myself and also others around me. Yes, they are committing a sin but that doesn't mean they don't love the Lord as I do. I sin, we all sin. So why does it matter if they are involved with the same sex? I usually think people forget that, that we all are sinners.

We make it such a big deal that we often forget that they are human also. Those who quote the bible should also keep in mind the other things that it says. If you don't know, look it up.

What I don't understand however are lesbians that have the demeanor of males, or what they are referred to as, studs. I'm sorry but that's one of the biggest contractions I've ever known.

To wrap things up, I don't argree with homosexuals but I at least treat them like humans. Don't be quick to throw the Bible in their faces because turns out, you're just a hypocrite.

Call It Dope!

Call It Dope!

My friends have a group, Call It Dope, and they really are dope! I support them and love their music, not only because they are my friends, but because they really are good at what they do. At first I was a little skeptical but now I believe they can go far with their music. They don't just rap for the hell of it, music is apart of who they are. They make their own beats and write their own rhymes. They are true musicians. Please show some love to them by listening to a few of their tracks:

http://www.purevolume.com/CallItDope
http://www.purevolume.com/CallItDope
http://www.purevolume.com/CallItDope
http://www.purevolume.com/CallItDope
http://www.purevolume.com/CallItDope
http://www.purevolume.com/CallItDope
http://www.purevolume.com/CallItDope
 

(click to see bigger)

Joshua Paul Rogers III & Chico Rashad

Click here for their facebook for more information.

Day 24 — The person that gave me my favorite memory.

Anyone that has made me smile and laugh. Thank you. :) Thank you Karissa for being homeless with me...multiple times. Thank you for all the good times in Anatomy and Physical Science. Thank you for the good time at the Tyga concert. Thank you Nando, Bryan, and Nephew for all the good times by the pool. Thank you for the summer of my life. Thank you Sandi and Leah of our old fashion sleep over. Thank you Zakia for the N.I.N.E. parties and many many more. Thank you Hume Fogg. You gave me lots of memories. Thank you Jalen for being more than I cound ever imagine. Thanks for the best surprises ever. Thank you Arielle for roaming the halls with me and taking "62 pictures!" with me. Thank you Jeremy for being a wonderful best frann. Seriously, I love all of you who shared your lives with me. Those are my favorite memories.

There are many many more with each of you but I honestly can't think right now. I'm sure there are others too, but these people mean the most. :D

Danielle (Shel)

xoxo

all i see scares me.

all i see is you.

"The Basic Patterns of a Winner"

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain... Think of ways to improve the situation. The big rewards are paid for finding the solution, not the difficulty.
2. Show real, honest and hearty appreciation...let others know thay are loved.
3. Think good thoughts about other people...and yourself.
4. Give before you get. Always give others a reason to agree with you before asking anything of them.
5. Smile often...it generates enthusiasm, friendliness and goodwill.
6. Remember names. A person's name is the sweetest, most important sound they hear and it instantly captures their attention each time it is used.
7. Be an effective communicator by listening. Encourage others to talk about themselves by asking questions. (When, Where, Who, What, How and Why?)
8. Think, Act and Look happy and successful...and you will begin to think, feel and actually become HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL.
9. Never engage in worrisome conversations or participate in gossip sessions.
10. Always greet others with a positive, cheerful statement...not the question, "How are you?"
11. Respond to another's question, "How are you?" with an enthusiastic, meaningful "TERRIFIC".
12. Look for and expect GOOOOD things to happen to you...inquire of others: "What GOOOOD things are happening with you today?"

Pick one rule at a time...Practice it earnestly every chance you get, for at least a full week!

Stay TERRIFIC! Dave Gorden.

---------------------------------

A few things on this list always makes me giggle but the whole list always makes me think. I lost the paper that had all of these rules on them and I've been trying so hard to find it again. I even tried to google it but I had no luck. I needed this list in my life.

And today, I found it. :)

Click here for Thoughts to Ponder by Dave Gorden.

You won't regret the minute it takes to read it. Promise.

"Get ta steppin"

Dear God,

I’m trying to reach you.

“Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you're living?”

— Bob Marley

Day 23 — The last person I kissed.

Booger! I need some more of them kisses! Miss them lips. Teehee. :)

Your girl,

Shel

xoxo

"Sometimes you have to become lost in order to find your way."

life.

the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..

...one comes from the other but neither resemble, you see?

This would my my mother and I. I will never be the mother that she is but I will take a few things with me. She has sacrificed a lot for her children, for the things that we need and want. But she doesn't know how to love beyond that.

Listen to me mama! Hear me, feel me! I'm crying out to you but you don't see it because you're wrapped up on how you think things are going on. Stop and fucking listen for once! You're not always right. Let me talk to you. Why won't you let me just talk?

I'm your fucking apple.

Day 22 — Someone I want to give a second chance to.

I always give second chances. Always. All I ask is that you try.

Shelby

xoxo

Call me crazy but the thing I'm most excited for about going to college is the library. I couldn’t care less about the booze and the boys. I just want the books.

Fact #9:

I blow kisses to red cardinals. I have to or else it won't set well with my soul.

Day 21 — Someone I judged by their first impression.

I've been told many a time to never judge a book by it's cover. And I have done just that. I know how it feels to be looked at negatively and be judged by others merely on what they have heard about me or the 2 second they have seen me. I know the feeling. Whether I show it or not, just the thought that people actually do things like that is absurd. I am no exception. I have to keep in mind that I don't know what people have gone through nor what they are going through at the moment, therefore I should give them a fair chance at would could be a friendship. A chance at what could be a life changing encounter. A fair chance at anything at all. I know I have judged you and I am sorry.

Shelby

xoxo

You can't see my wings?

Watch me fly. . .

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." -Friedrich Nietzsche

Lately I've slowly been losing my mind and I've come to realize that it's my lack of social interaction that has caused my state of being. No, it isn't depression; I'm honestly slowly going insane. Almost everyday I am usually home alone because I am the only one in my household that doesn't have a car, nor a lisence for that matter, so they are off doing their own things, whether it be work or social events. And where am I? Home, on the computer. The reason I am always on the computer is because it's the closet thing I have to other humans. Sounds crazy? Well it's the truth. The web gives me a break from reality and I can see and read things that may pertain to my life or what I would like my life to be. Not in the sense of "Oh, I hate my life I was I was her." but more in the sense of "That is so cool. I would love to do that." or "I would love to have that."

Back to my focus on human interaction. If someone has too much time alone, it can actually be dangerous to their health. It's absolutely a necessity for good human health to be around one another human and express thoughts, ideas, emotions, etc... We crave to grow and blossom our being.

"Why do we experience loneliness? Boredom even? Why is it that one cannot find contentment, joy, happiness remaining alone?"

A very large part of our brains is mainly concern of human interaction. People may think that us who were born in the last 20 years or so should never claim to be bored because we have a television with 200+ channels, video games, cell phones, the internet... But take off you "21st century glasses" and think. Back then they didn't have these things, they had each other.

It's human nature to want to feel someone else, touch, hear, talk to, see someone else. We need others in order to survive.

This is why I'm slowly losing my mind.

Great Read: The Bet by Anton Chekhov

Vlog: Goodwill Hunting [IV]

For my Sandi. It's finally here love.
Excuse my hair, I seriously woke up and did nothing to it but fluffed it a little. Lol.
Total was $54 and some change. :)

Fact #8:

I may not know what I like or what I want

but I know exactly what I don't.

Day 20 — The one that broke my heart the hardest.

"With what a deep devotedness of woe
I wept thy absence - o'er and o'er again
Thinking of thee, still thee, till thought grew pain,
And memory, like a drop that, night and day,
Falls cold and ceaseless, wore my heart away!"


~Thomas Moore

Shelby

xoxo

Day 19 — Someone that pesters my mind—good or bad.

Keep doing what you're doing. I need to think a little harder sometimes. I need to raise my brows and wrinkle my nose. I don't mind.

Shelby

xoxo

I have a heart that will never be tamed.



I knew you were something special when you spoke my name.


Now I can't wait to see you again.

Day 18 — The person I wish I could be.

You already know me, you know me more than anyone else in this world. You're always with me and you know my deepest thoughts. I just wish I was more like you. More determined, strong, and most of all, happy. You, you just shrug things off because at the end of the day, it's still your life, whether you like it or not. You rarely cry because you know crying won't change things. But you do cry when you have to because you know holding everyting in isn't healthy either. You have a relationship with the Lord. You pray everyday, you thank Him everyday. You know which battles to pick and which ones to let good.
You know how to live. You are the person I wish I could be.

Future me,

Shelby

xoxo

Day 17 - Someone from my childhood.

I was just a baby went we first met but you were a big part of my life because you were there in my early years. I knew you were someone specical because of how my mama loves you. You were more than a friend, you were family. I understand that you had a mental illness and times got really hard for you. I stopped seeing you around when I was still a young child. After about 10 years, I saw you again, downtown in the "homeless park" eating a pack of gummies. We tried to talk to you, we tried to get you to remember, we tried to see if you were okay. But the only thing we got from you was a blank stare while you guarded that pack of gummies with what seemed like your life. That day my heart broke. I'm sorry that this had to happen this way. I pray to God that you're still alive. I hear stories about homeless people dying and I hope it isn't you. No one should die unidentified and without a proper burial, especially you. I love you so much. Those few years you had in my life was enough to make an impact.

The little girl you once knew,

Shelby

xoxo

one hun-ned!

Kisses to you all!

Reached 100 followers!

Thank yall for putting up with my rants about life.

My bickering and complaining!

And thank yall for being apart of my happy moments. :)

whoop!

"Damn! You losin' weight!"

I am about 5'5"-5'6" and have never been more than 130 lbs.

Around April people started telling me that I looked thinner. I've even been asked "What happened to your booty?" lol. I thought nothing about it until more and more and more people started saying things about my weight and asking me about it. I, in confusion, said that I don't what they're talking about and that I don't think I've lost any weight at all.

A few weeks ago I decided to test it out. I bought this skirt that was too small but it was too cute so I just had to buy it. I tried it on...and sure enough, it fit. Not perfectly but I got into it a lot more with ease than before.

I go on the Wii Fit scale and it said that I weighed 123lbs. I had lost 7lbs in as little as 4-5 months without trying.

The scary part is, I'm close to being underweight for my age and height, all I need to lose is 10 more lbs. If I keep losing weight like I have been, no doubt about it that it may happen. :\

I've been at my job for almost two years now and I've worn the same pair of black slacks since my first day.

When I went in today my coworker asked if I was wearing my sister's pants. (My sister is a lot bigger than I am.) I told him no, that they were mine and his response was "Damn! You losin' weight!"

I don't know what's going on but I don't like it. I've been trying to past 130 for yearss!

This is so frustrating...

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in my country and state.

Foreigners, I'm sure most of you see America as a land of opportunity or a way to escape your peril's in your homeland. That may be the case but beyond our freedom, America is filled with greedy people, hatred, and corrupt minds. We waste food, use bad language, kill one another, and spend millions of dollars on entertainment that more than likely will be forgotten the following year. America's not all that cracked up to be.

Cleansing.

I just went through my whole blog, every single post, and starting today I will be deleting a lot of them...

Frida Kahlo.

“I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.”

~ Frida Kahlo, 1907-1954

Day 15 — The person I miss the most.

My last letter applies to you also. There isn't much I can say because you know how I feel.

Shelby

xoxo

College dropout.

Not quite.

I've decided that after my first year of college, I'll drop out and enroll in either cosmetology school or art school.

Why ?

I'm really not 100% sure what I want to do as a career. I understand that this is normal for a majority of college freshmen and people my age, even a few years into college some minds still aren't made up.

But that isn't my problem, deciding on what I want to do. My problem comes in that I don't think a 4 year college is for me. I may not be sure what I want to do career wise but I am 100% sure about what I want out of life. I want to start "life" as soon as I can.

I want to start making money as soon as I can to support myself. A part time job in college would be for the basics but I can't live off of part time minumin wage jobs. I just need enough money to take care of rent, food, car issues, etc...

Im not sure if 4 years & thousands of dollars is goin to get me where I want to go fast enough. Im not saying dropping out is a "short cut" not at all, and I know I wont be making a lot of money but I just need to be comfortable.

Cosmetology school is about 9 months and it isnt hard findin a job in that field. I dont see a problem with doin hair and nails to support myself. There are really good cosmetology schools that not only teach you about doing hair, but also the health aspect of it, they teach you fashion, they also teach you business so that you may potentially run your own shop.

As far as art achool, I might as well do what I love. Im an artist therefore it only makes sense. And if i go to an art school, theres always different subjects to study. For example, interior design which I am interested in, computer and HTML things which I love, advertising, fashion design, the list goes on.

So why not go to field specific schools like cosmetology and art?

And if later on in life I decided I need something more stable, college will always be there...

This is just a thought though.

Vlog: Things that make me happy. :)

Mostly a bunch of rambling but eh...you get the point. :)
Things that belong on the list:

• Zebras
• Nikes&Converses
• Taking pictures
• Reading&writing
• The color yellow
• Those soft suger cake cookies with the icing
• Getting tips at work
• Laughing so freakin' hard it hurts
• Hearing a funny story
• Happy endings of sad movies
• FOOOD!
• Going to church
• Smiles from strangers
• Walking downtown
• Taking loonnnggg hot showers
• Sour gummie worms

I guess that's pretty much it therefore I don't think Ill make another "Things that make me happy" video but I will Vlog more. :)

So, what makes you happy?

Day 14 — Someone I’ve drifted away from.

Come back to me. In my heart I'll never leave...

The one that got away,

Shelby

xoxo

Something the Lord made.

"They say you haven't lived unless you have a lot to regret. I regret... I have some regrets. But I think we should remember not what we lost, but what we've done."

8:28 AM

I'm running off of 3 hours of sleep, 3 AM to 6 AM, yet I feel great.

"Once you lose someone, it's never exactly the same person who comes back."

Good or bad change, never the same.

I feel as though I'm not apart of my boyfriends life.

It's as if we're living in two different worlds.

I understand that we are two different people,

with our own lives to live but . . .

It's him and his life; his family, his friends, his plans. . .

. . .and then there's me, in the back somewhere.

I'm not sure if this makes any sense but it's how I feel.

It's how I've always felt. . .

Independence.

I'm ready to be free.

To be on my own.

To be alone.

I'm ready.

on the fourth.

My day started around 2 PM when I finally woke up and realized that I missed church. I was pretty upset seeing as how going to church was the only thing I had planned for the day. I took a shower. A long one and got a lot of thinking done. That's where I do most of my thinking, as well as my crying. I got out of the shower, played in my hair and I put my face on. Although I wasn't going anywhere, it's feels good to know that I look good. That's how it starts sometimes. I had two turkey hot dogs and a turkey burger and settled down on the couch to watch Men of Honor. And when that went off I pop homemade corn and watched Antwone Fisher. I was so confused as to why the main characters of both of the movies were in the Navy. Then I remembered that it was the 4th of July. Made sense. People serving for their country... And after that, I ate a bowl of frozen fruit.

The only person I spoke to today, via text message, was my friend Chris.

I know he cares.

Day 13 — Someone I wish could forgive me.

I'm sorry. Forgive me?

Shelby

xoxo

11:11

I wish to feel loved again. I wish I didn't feel so lonely. I wish that wasn't the truth, that I'm lonely. I wish I had a life to live instead of watching other people live theirs. I wish others would be happy. How could I be happy when the ones around me aren't? I wish I wasn't so hard on myself. I wish I knew someone was here for me. I wish someone would hold me at night. That's all I need.

I wish I was stronger than this.

Day 12 — The person that has caused me a lot of pain.

I thought I could forgive you but I can't. I'll never forget what you did to me and now other guys have to pay for that. The fact that I can't open up. The fact that I build walls. The fact that I am sometimes ashamed of who I am. On the other hand, I do hope you've had a good life since then and continue to have a good life.

Shelby

xoxo

With the stars.

For the record, I do not smoke nor do I plan to. Just thought I'd share what Obama's reason was for getting high. I'm still not sure about his words, although they are put together very well from such an articulate man. How is his reason the opposite from others? As much as I seem down, not once has smoking pot crossed my mind so that I could "laugh at the world’s ongoing folly". . . I love these words but at the same time, I hate them.

“I got high for just the opposite effect, something that could push questions of who I was out of my mind, something that could flatten out the landscape of my heart, blur the edges of my memory. I had discovered that it didn’t make any difference whether you smoked reefer in the white classmate’s sparkling new van, or in the dorm room of some brother you’d met down at the gym, or on the beach with a couple of Hawaiian kids who had dropped out of school and now spent most of their time looking for an excuse to brawl. You might just be bored, or alone. Everybody was welcome into the club of disaffection. And if the high didn’t solve whatever it was that was getting you down, it could at least help you laugh at the world’s ongoing folly and see through all the hypocrisy and bullshit and cheap moralism.”

-Barack Obama

 "Everybody was welcome into the club of disaffection."

Fact #7:

I can't do a push up. Not a single one.

Close your eyes and witness extraordinary things. 
Feel it and let the fantasy seep through your pores.
Close you eyes because your thoughts and dreams ,
are the only things that are ever really yours.

Urban Dictionary : Tennessee

Things you Should Know About TN Before Moving Here (for Northerners):

1.What sweet tea(tea with sugar) and sweet milk (not buttermilk) are. 

2.Memphis is Detroit with a Southern accent. 

3.No snowdays. Just "ice on the road" days. If the temp goes below 25F, we think a new Ice Age is upon us. 

4.110 F is "a tad warm". 

5. "Kiss my ass" is a perfectly acceptable way to end an argument. 

6. Saying "Bless her/his heart" before you insult someone will safely allow you to drag them through the mud. 

7.Toast is unnatural. Eat biscuits like God meant you to. 

8. Flirtin' is Southern tradition. It doesn't mean you're getting lucky. 

9. If you try to speak with our accent, remember draw out your vowels, y'all is two or more people, and y'all's is plural possessive. Don't blame me if you get an ass-whoopin'. 

10. If you don't like it down here, the airline goes both ways.

Although I don't drag people through the mud nor eat biscuits, the rest are pretty accurate to my life. :)
This seriously made me love my state all over again for some reason...

Day 11 — A deceased person I wish you could talk to.

You were so young. So so young. A few months before, you had just won Freshman Homecoming King. If anyone deserved it, it was you. Your life was taken away from you too soon. I will never forget your bright beautiful eyes. No one will. You're supposed to be a senior this fall,  I know you would have broken girls' hearts with that smile and taken the crown for Homecoming, Coming home, and Prom king. :) I miss you. R.I.P. 02.11.08.

I still can't believe you're gone. Facebook even tells me we should catch up and share the latest news...You know that picture you last commented on, I feel as though I can never delete it. What makes it harder is that I just saw you and talked to you about how expensive milk was. You meant so much to so many people especially your sister. I know you're flashing that smile in heaven baby boy. I miss you. R.I.P. 09.08.08.

I'll never forget how we meet and all the times by the pool just kicking it. I saw Bryan a few weeks ago. His son is getting so big. And Nando, haven't heard from him in about 5 years. Paige said she saw him one night. Paige misses you so much. Why did you do it? Why? You didn't have to and now you're not here with us. You're not here! You should be here but you're not because of a mistake you made. Now you can't take it back. We can't take it back for you. If I could, by God I would. I loovvvve you so so much. I always felt we were better off as friends, I guess my heart can take it a little bit better. But the pain will never go away. Why did you do it?! Why? Maybe it was meant for you to go. . .This was your last facebook status "is sayin at da end of da day, you are yo own support system cuz dey jus gonna doubt u .... im solo". No, WE are your support system. WE have your back. WE love you. You are not alone, you were never alone! I miss and love you so much. I wish I told you more when you were here. I miss you.  R.I.P. 09.30.08.

Shelby

xoxo

Day 10 - Letter to someone I don't talk to as much as I'd like.

I'm sorry and I realize it's my fault. I've come to realize lately that I push people away from me, including those I love the most, and unfortunately you're no exception. I want to talk to you, share stories and jokes, know how your day went, make plans, talk to you when you need someone the most; I want to be a part of your life, not just someone who you crossed paths with. Please forgive me. I can't make a promise that things will change because more than likely I know they won't. . .

I'm glad that there are other people who you can talk to when I fail to do so.

You eremitic friend,

Shelby

xoxo

"Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's such a thing as good grief."

"...and I am crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly... terribly alone."

It was all a dream. . .

cant stop.

wont stop.

I need:

• You to want me
• You to miss me
• Your attention
• You next to me
• Someone to clap for me
• Your direction

Come back, come back baby. . . come back.

(via stay sucka free)

Fact #6:

I have a giant hole in the crotch of my work pants.